edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
Free clinic fun:

"It says here in your chart that you're a Christian...oh, it says you go to St. Andrew's. Well, let me ask you, if you go to St. Andrews, how do you know you're going to go to heaven?" ACTUAL QUOTE OMG OMG OMG.

o.0"

Further: THERAPY DOES NOT WORK FOR EVERYONE YOU STUPID FUCKS WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?

*writes down and staples it to foreheads*

Talk about being tired of living and scared of drying. I'm emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted, yet I keep going, because...well, what else is there?

At least Langston Hughes understands.

I went down to the river,
I set down on the bank.
I tried to think but couldn't,
So I jumped in and sank.

I came up once and hollered!
I came up twice and cried!
If that water hadn't a-been so cold
I might've sunk and died.

But it was Cold in that water! It was cold!

I took the elevator
Sixteen floors above the ground.
I thought about my baby
And thought I would jump down.

I stood there and I hollered!
I stood there and I cried!
If it hadn't a-been so high
I might've jumped and died.

But it was High up there! It was high!

So since I'm still here livin',
I guess I will live on.
I could've died for love--
But for livin' I was born

Though you may hear me holler,
And you may see me cry--
I'll be dogged, sweet baby,
If you gonna see me die.

Life is fine! Fine as wine! Life is fine!

PUBLIX

Feb. 16th, 2009 10:52 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
Public post about the review, now with 30% less ranting abut the conference!

I went to a conference this past weekend (the 13th through the 15th). I didn't tell many people about it, mostly because I was freaking out about it and so I didn't want anyone to know. It was in Bloomington, Indiana, and it was called the Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference (or MBLGTACC, which we quaintly pronounced "Mumble Tech"). This was the first GAY conference I ever went to (God my grammar is bad) and I was freaking out and anxious the whole time. Of course it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I knew it wasn't going to be as bad as I thought it was going to be, but that's not the point. You can't deny that in my life, things usually are as bad or worse than I think they're going to be, so I worry a lot. It's what I do.


I could insert a lot of things here that are going to sound really melodramatic and sappy and stupid, things like how it was cool being around so many other weird people, and it was nice not being the only freak, and I have a lot of stories I do want to tell if anyone wants to hear them, and a lot of information bubbling around in my head that excites me...God I miss college. For example, I now know way more about Intersexuality than any of you (she said arrogantly and possibly erroneously) and I want to talk to people about it because I miss having these discussions. I really do miss college. sigh. Anyway, the conference was amazing, and I'm really glad I went.


ANYWAY, here's the fun part. On the second day of the conference, I surprised myself by breaking off from the group (which is hard to do when you're in another State, in an unfamiliar city, on a campus that's roughly five times the size of the one you're used to, and you're panicking in sheer fucking terror) because we were attending different workshops, and I really wanted to attend the one put on by the theater geek actor who was going to be performing his one-man play "And He Ran Screaming." I was so blown away by this workshop that I actually attended it twice, going to the next session a few hours later. I got home bursting at the seams with all the things I wanted to say, and I wrote a review of the play and sent it to my boss at the website I write for.


Please please please go to http://www.cinema-crazed.com/0-g/andheranscreaming.htm and read the review. It's my baby. I'm really proud of it.


Look, it's even on the main page: http://www.cinema-crazed.com (scroll down about halfway; it's on the right)

If you want to post some comments (and you know you want to post some comments, right?) here's how you do that:


1.
go to http://cinemacrazed.proboards42.com/index.cgi?action=register and create an account
2.
Check your email (possibly your SPAM folder) for an email from ProBoards, open it and click on the activation link in the email, thus proving you're a human and not a robot
3.
Go back to http://cinemacrazed.proboards42.com/index.cgi?board=rebuttals
4.
Click "Create a New Thread" (http://cinemacrazed.proboards42.com/index.cgi?board=rebuttals&action=post) and make a new thread about the review for "And He Ran Screaming." Or post in an existing thread if anyone else happened to talk about it.


Good times. Thanks for reading. I love you guys.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
When you see this, post your favorite poem.

You do realize that asking an English major to pick just ONE favorite poem results in much weeping and gnashing of teeth, right?

Bastards.

*picks one poem at random*

So Penseroso

Come, megrims, mollygrubs and collywobbles!
Come, gloom that limps and misery that hobbles!
Come also, most exquisite meloncholiage,
As dank and decadent as November foliage!
I crave to shudder in your moist embrace,
To feel your oystery fingers on my face.
This is my hour of sadness and soulfulness,
and cursed be he who dissipates my dolefulness.
I do not desire to be cheered,
I desire to retire, I am thinking of growing a beard.
A sorrowful beard with a mournful, dolorous hue in it,
with ashes and glue in it.
I want to be drunk with despair,
I want to caress my care.
I do not wish to be blithe,
I wish to recoil and writhe.
I will revel in cosmic woe,
and I want my woe to show.
This is the morbid moment,
this is the ebony hour.
Aroint thee, sweetness and light!
I want to be dark and sour!
Away with the bird that twitters!
All that glitters is jitters!
Roses, roses are gray,
Violets cry Boo! and frighten me.
Sugar is stimulating,
and people conspire to brighten me.
Go hence, people, go hence!
Go sit on a picket fence!
Go gargle with mineral oil,
Go out and develop a boil!
Melancholy is what I brag and boast of,
Melancholy I plan to make the most of.
You beaming optimists shall not destroy it,
But while I am at it, I intend to enjoy it.
Go, people, stuff your mouths with soap,
and remember, please, that when I mope, I mope!
~Ogden Nash

I'm an egotistical bitch, so how about I also post my favorite poem that I have ever written? Even that is going to be hard. Let's see.

Chance of Rain


Trying to learn to like the cold.
Because I'm always
cold.
So I might as well get used to it.
Right?
And find something I love
in something I hate?
Isn't that the way to go?
I don't even remember why
I hate it
anymore.
It's been a part of me so long.
The cold
I'm trying to learn to like
(to love).
Trying to learn to touch
to feel
the distant things I cannot reach
a million miles away
under my skin
in my blood
my bones
my marrow
me.

So here I sit
(in this chair
in this house
that isn't home)
an empty shell longing
to be filled
with something more than
me.
Trying to think of something
else that I could
be.
I miss the feeling
I miss the flood
The rain, the pain, the tears, the blood
the bones, the marrow
me.
Reaching out
into the dark
I find something there to touch
to feel.
I wrap the blanket
tightly
and try to remember
what it feels like
to be warm.

This was just going to be the meme, but right before I hit post, I realized I should tell you all what's been going on, so for those who want to read a rambling rant, here goes )

gone

Jan. 24th, 2009 11:48 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicide)
files on my computer were corrupt, so I had to delete them to save the rest.

not much of consequence was deleted, except the following:

my nonfiction book. gone.

most of my long winded columns. gone.

...

....

.....

abortion

Jan. 22nd, 2009 08:31 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (viva la vie boheme)
Hey, I just got this email and I thought some of you might be interested in this:

"January 22nd marks the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the landmark Supreme Court decision that protected a woman's right to a legal abortion in America.

Join Amplify's Roe V Wade Blogathon - write a blog about the right to choose!

Since then, social conservatives have tried to chip away at the right to choose, especially where young women are concerned. 43 states still restrict young women's access to abortion by mandating parental notice or consent. But with a new administration comes new hope that some of the damaging policies put in place may be reversed. Now more than ever it is important for you to get involved in the fight for safe and legal abortion.

Starting today here at Amplify, we are commemorating the Anniversary with a Roe v. Wade "Blog-a-thon". January 21-27, we are calling on all of you to blog here on Amplify as a part of the global movement of young people working for choice. Share your stories about what the right to a legal and safe abortion means to you and to women around the world, and share ideas for how we can preserve our right to choose.

If you're not registered, be sure to take a few seconds to join Amplify, and then start blogging away!"

Here's the website to join, log in, and blog: http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/main.cfm?s=amplify
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
I started writing my book again today.

There's this young adult novel called "The Black Fox" where this boy goes to live with (I think) his grandparents for the summer and on their farm one night he sees this beautiful animal, a black fox. He's never seen one before in his life, and it's so beautiful it takes his breath away. He just stands there, staring at it. Over the course of the summer he watches out for this fox and caring for it changes his life forever, but in that first moment, he thinks it's so beautiful and amazing that he doesn't have words to describe it, so he doesn't tell anyone else about it because he thinks any words he uses to describe how amazing and wonderful it is will cheapen it and make it smaller somehow, and he'll never be able to describe it in a way that will make anyone understand how amazing it is.

I think about that a lot. Like I say things, and they sound so simple and small, and no one will understand how much they mean to me or how I'll never be able to find words to describe how awesome they are, and even to say something like "I've been seriously considering killing myself for about three weeks now and everything that happened in my life was a blow that made me weaker and sicker and I couldn't find anything to help me hold on or give me any kind of hope or a reason to keep living until I started writing in my book again today" and I don't think even those words come close to conveying the darkness or despair that I've been feeling these past few weeks, or the huge amount of hope and purpose it gave me to begin working on my book again. I don't know how to say that in any kind of meaningful, impactful way. But still I keep trying.

I started writing my book again today.

Big Pimpin

Oct. 6th, 2008 02:41 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (viva la vie boheme)
I hate to spam you, but if you remember when I read Edward Lee's "Brides of the Impaler" I promised you I'd write a review of it, and my bossman was kind enough to put the review up at http://www.cinema-crazed.com as an exclusive, so I'd like you to read it if you get a chance. I love ranting about books and I don't get to do it enough now that I've graduated. Who knows, maybe this will turn into a discussion post. The book touches on a lot of...um...feminist issues (I tried to find a better term for 20 minutes and couldn't, trufax) so it's something to hope for.

Teh Review Iz Heer

I also have a review for the movie "28 Days Later" which I'm really proud of and that can be found here:

28 Days Later Review

Also, here is a review for "Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes." It's a terrible movie, but I think my review is funny (IMHOWISHAAAO).

Here there be bad movies!

So I just got this email in response to my reviews, and it was batshit insane enough for me to want to share with you here. SRSLY.


This guy is crazy...crazy like a FOX (A psychotic fox that is) )

So what do you guys think? Should I ignore the prophet? I hear god frowns on that kind of stuff (I think he also frowns on people using him like leverage to make a buck, but I've been told I'm wrong about that, who knows). I didn't go to church yesterday because I was so sick, you think God is pissed at me? :-p

While hilarious, this is also weird, because I have been thinking a lot lately about how I don't have 10% of my income to give to the church anymore like I used to (now that I squander that sum on food every month) so I can't give a tithe and I don't know how weird the Episcopalians are about giving tithes. I don't think I HAVE to give money like I used to, but it IS nice to support the church, since it takes money to run those places and pay the reverend and all, and I don't believe God curses me like people used to say when I was a rabid fundamentalist (though you know I struggle with the idea of God cursing me anyway because of everything I've been through and all people say to me and have said in the past and what I think about myself in my worst moments) so it's just weird that right when I'm thinking seriously about things like this, crazies are always able to tap into these things and fling God at me like an insult. Eeps.

Edit: Aaand the boss put the crazy old coot's quote up on the front page...check it out before he takes it down!
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicide)
50 Book Challenge Updates

#7 "Godless" by Pete Hautman

Really insightful. I mean that. The characters are weird and quirky in a real way that doesn't seem forced and the book doesn't offer easy answers.

#8 "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky

This book is good. It made me realize some things about myself. I cried for three hours after finishing it and I haven't slept since. I'm still messed up about it. Don't get me wrong, the book isn't perfect, but that's part of what makes it so good. I swear to fucking God this kid IS me. The only difference between us is I never repressed all the stuff that happened to me and he did. But the rest is almost identical, including the way he relates to people. Messed up.

#9 "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" by Ann Brashares

This book is good, a lot better than the movie (though I did like the movie). I want to read the rest of the books in the series now.

I'm almost at what I made all year last year and it's only now approaching April. :-p

Don't forget to check out my column...I'm really proud of it.

http://www.cinema-crazed.com/h-q/longwinded9.htm

writer

Feb. 17th, 2008 12:11 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (viva la vie boheme)
Hey guys. I just wrote a new review and a new column for http://www.cinema-crazed.com And I'm pretty proud of both if them. If you have some time, check them out.

Review for "Transtasia"

New Column: Love Stinks

Seriously, I'm really proud of both the review and the column, so if you oculd read them and let me know what you think I'd really appreciate it.

Holy Shit

Dec. 27th, 2007 08:42 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Today has been...a day. It's been one of the hardest days I've ever had and fuck, for me, that's saying something.

So I get to work really tired and see my friend April and I can tell by her face something is wrong. I ask if she's ok, and she says "yeah" in this quiet voice that lets me know NO, she's NOT ok. But she takes some deep breaths and stares at the wall, so I give her some time and then she comes out with it. So a really good friend of mine committed suicide this week. I just found out. He's my friend April's adopted brother and he committed suicide on Christmas eve and she walked in and found him. I haven't seen her in a few days and now I found out why. I can't imagine how she's feeling. she cried at work and we hugged and I cried and it's really hard. She kept saying "We don't know why he did it...we don't know why..." And trust me, if anyone knows the reasons why someone might lose hope so badly they take their own life, I know. I know and I'm trying to respect that he made that decision because he felt some immense pain and didn't see a way out and I know it's never as easy as talking to someone about things but dammit, he never talked to me, he never talked to her. the hardest thing is thinking I'll never see him again. I keep expecting to see him walk in and wave and talk like he used to. But I'll never see his smile again. He'll never sit in my living room smoking pot and laughing and drinking vodka with me again, ever ever again. I feel lost.

*takes break because she can't see the screen through her tears anymore*

And the thing is guys...after I heard that, I decided I couldn't take it anymore and I was going to give up. I had everything planned out, what I was going to do as soon as I got home. This decision didn't come out of the blue either, I've been barely breathing for a few months now. I haven't really told anyone how hard this has been for me, but on top of the million and one things that combine to make my hope dim and go out (my failing health, often crippling anxiety, lack of insurance, lack of family, lack of money, lack of strength to keep going most days) I just got notified the creditors are not just going to take my tax refund (which I knew) but garnish my wages, too, and if they took the $200 they wanted, I couldn't pay my bills. And I got so scared and so tired of fighting. I've been fighting it for the past few days, trying to walk, trying to drag myself around and act human and it's so tiring that when I heard about Mike my first thought before the sadness set in was envy. I feel sick even saying it, but I fleetingly thought how he didn't have to struggle against the darkness anymore. I know it's selfish, don't tell me that. I know it's the most selfish thing in the world, I'm not telling you because it's right, I'm telling you because it's real. I know I should keep going. But I'm so fucking TIRED! I've been fighting the darkness all my life and lately my only thought has been what a waste I am, I was a waste of funds to go to college, I'm a waste just like my brother always told me because I can't even pay my bills and my debts and I was scared and sinking and trying to find something to hold onto that my first thought was yeah, I wanted to give up. Like Mike did. I'm admitting it to you here not to say it was right but to admit that fuck, this was the LAST STRAW dammit.

I did think that.

But then, first before anything else,, I thought about April, and how she had to find Mike after he killed himself, and how crushing that must have been for her, and how hearing about me killing myself would hurt her so much. I think it sounds egotistical because I'm not fucking great or the center of her life or anything, I'm not trying to say that, but I know it would hurt her. So I tamped down my tears and despair and tried to be strong. all through work for her if nothing else I tried to be strong. And then someone needed to leave early and asked me to stay for an hour and I agreed even though I wanted to leave and die, I stayed because I wanted to be strong for her too. and then I got home and something weird occurred to me. I thought that I'd never bothered to read up on wage garnishment.

So I did.

...

So...they can't take $200, at least from me, that creditor was a fucking liar, the most they can take is 15% of my income, which for me is $86 a month and while that will almost wipe me out, I can pay it. And my bills. My heat and electric together on my payment plan will be $60 a month and my rent will be $105 a month and I will barely scrape by with that, but I will survive. I will not just survive, I will live. See, I kept thinking that even if I found some reserves of strength within myself to go on it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't have money to pay my bills and survive so it didn't matter what strength I though I had when I didn't have money to pay my bills if I didn't pay my bills I couldn't live here and I couldn't keep going...but now I know that even though it will be hard, hard as hell like everything else in my life, I'll make it. I'll have money. So the strength needs to come back somehow because fuck, the money is there.

And I haven't told a lot of you this but I'm writing a book, I'm interviewing people and writing about my past and the abuse and my quest for religion and how somehow, for me, this has always tied in with my interest in the macabre and horror movies. I know, everyone's writing a book. But I have 6 pages written in 2 days, I've been able to plow through the writer's block and make myself write and I've already got an introduction and a first chapter and some interviews out and if anyone else wants to answer the questions just let me know. It might not sound like much but to me, writing is everything. It means I'm NOT a waste, I DO have something to say, I DO have a purpose, and I need to keep writing this book because fuck, it's not going to write itself, and the money is there so I have to keep writing because as long as I'm surviving I might as well fucking DO SOMETHING with that time I have on my hands.

I know this may sound disjointed guys, but to me...it's everything. It's the blood in my veins, it's the air I breathe, it's the strength to keep living because it's a PURPOSE. And if I'd given up today, when I wanted to, and not come home and written a chapter and then looked online I might not have found that the money is going to be a hardship but it's not going to wipe me out or kill me. If I'd killed myself on Christmas I wouldn't have even started writing the book at all, and I might have taken April down with me when she found out about me. If I gave into the despair at any point in my life when I've wanted to give up I would have missed so many wonderful things, and I might not have found hope. And no matter what family members or creditors think I'm a worthless piece of shit, I DO have a purpose and I DO have strength and I WILL keep fighting. And I don't intend to stay on wage garnishment the rest of my life, I will finish this book and it will get published and I will pay off my debt and I will write more and publish more and Gloria Paris and my brother and everyone else who said I was worthless can shove it up their ass when I DO survive and thrive and LIVE. But for now, while I'm still here struggling to eat and write and keep breathing, I will have money and I will have hope.

And it makes me so sad that Mike never found that hope. Because he had it, too, I know he did, somewhere, no matter how hard it is to see or to reach I know he had hope. I wish I could have shown him. And my heart feels like it's broken into a million pieces right now and my eyes hurt from the tears, but I'll keep being strong, for April and for my other friends and for my book and for myself. And I just wanted to let you all know that.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (censoship)
I just spammed Myspace with this bulletin, so I'm giving all my LJ friends the chance to do this, too, if they so desire. If not that's fine. If you're on my Myspace and thus got this twice, I apologize. You know you love me anyway.

The Bulletin Here...The default formatting screwed up the email list a bit, but if you copy and paste it, it still sends fine )

Plus, I have a new review up and I'm proud of it, so check it out if you want: http://www.cinema-crazed.com/joyfulpartaking.htm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
Look ma, I'm a writer. More about that later.

First, I got a phone call form my case worker today. Her exact words were "Oops, I totally forgot, I have your paperwork sitting in a pile on my desk and I forgot to turn it in. I would have done it eventually, so there's no reason for you to call me because you're worried, because you're worried about nothing."

Um, ok. I'm glad it's all worked out, totally, I was really afraid. But WTF does she mean I shouldn't call her? Obviously if I hadn't called her it wouldn't have gotten straightened out. Cheese and rice I hate government offices. but I'm glad it's all worked out and I won't have to eat my DVDs for sustenance. I like my DVDs.

Ok, so today I got a movie in the mail. Totally free movie FTW! The guy who made it read some of my reviews and liked them, so he wanted me to review his movie. Holy shit, I'm a writer! I don't care if it doesn't sound like a big deal (and I also don't care if you think I'm going to hell and opening a doorway for Satan to stick his foot into my heart and I need ot repent) I'm excited. Stuff like this makes me feel like a writer, and that's what I want to be. With the onset of NANoWriMo fast approaching (for those who don't know, it's a competition trying to get people writing in November, and the goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in a month, no editing allowed, just write and try to make the goal) it's inspired me to write. Now nothing against the people doing NaNo, I think it's cool and wish them the best, but instead it has inspired me to work on my novella I've been putting off since the beginning of time, plus I have a column to write that's due in two weeks (and you'd all better read it then, too, because I'm working really hard on it...it's about a movie I want to have sex and make beautiful babies with). Plus I have some reviews to write, plus I'm at 101 movies after tonight. Free time? It's for losers. I'm a writer! That's much more fun than having a life!

PICSPAM

Oct. 12th, 2007 11:12 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (idontcare)
Because I want to be annoying and because I'm watching one of the worst movies ever, I decided to hold an impromptu fashion show and show off my Halloween Costume for this year. Stand and marvel at my hotness.

Random Picspam Because I Think I'm So Hot )

I think the captions are off. Oh wells. Too much work, not doing again!

Check out the main page of the website I write reviews for, I have some great reviews there (THe REaping, Halloween 6, Hate Crime, Broken (under "indies") and I also wrote reviews for "Dead Shit" and "Dream Reaper" which earned the "Indie Spotlight" to the left and down a little. The filmmaker liked my reviews so much he emailed me a personal thank-you note:

"
lol Damn! If I didn't make this bullshit, I'd have to check these flicks out to see what the fuck you're talking about.

You make Hack Movies sound exactly like I saw the company in my head when I set out to make it. A punk rock film company that doesn't give one fuck about the sacred art form of film making. Balls to the wall offensive comedy that no one in corporate controlled hollywood would dare to make because it wont appeal to every paying demographic available.

Thanks, yo! :D

Kevin"

Today is a good day, even if I starve. If I starve I shall eat reviews.

55 horror movies so far this month, yo. And three days off in a row in which to watch them.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicide)
Proof that God hates me, pp 103: I think I'm allergic to avocados. Every time I eat them I get sick, and everything else I eat WITH them has passed the litmus test, so it's not those things, it's gotta be the avocados. NOOOOO...I LOVE MY AVOCADOS...

*cries*

I have received gifties! Someone bought me decorations that are now resting safely on my balcony.

My Balcony Can Beat Up YOUR Balcony )


And my friend [livejournal.com profile] peskipiksi got me "A Wrinkle in Time" and "A Wind in the Door" for my birthday. Woo hoo! I've wanted these books for years but I'm too lazy AWESOME to buy them for myself. Plus she got me used copies, which means they still have the cool illustrations that the older editions had on the cover, instead of the godless heathen far less awesome illustrations on the covers of the newer editions.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment. This will cause drama, since I have to leave work at 2:30 and walk there and then walk back after it's over (which is exactly what I love doing after a pap smear) and I know they're going to give me shit when I try to leave at 2:30. It sucks. I hate drama. I hope I'm up to it without causing a fight.

...

Aug. 17th, 2007 06:46 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (accepted)
You guys, I have a serious question. I may wince, but I'll try to accept the answers.

What was I like when I was a Christian? Was I a total bastard? I tried really hard not to be one, but I know it must have slipped out. christians are so caught up in thinking everyone who doesn't believe in their version of God is going to burn in hell forever that they're honestly scared and concerned about their friends and family. It's a severe emotional manipulation.

I say all this because I just got my second response to my column. My first response was from a professor I knew in college (Christian) and she said:

"Writing a column for free isn't enough, have you ever tried to actually get paid for your writing?"

I was mildly irritated by that (yes, genius, I have tried that several times, and I HAVE been paid for things I've written, but it's difficult to make a living by doing that, and the column is about doing something I love, not money). But she wasn't really insulting me, she was just concerned about my financial situation, so I let that slide. The second response was what really hit me:

"Lillian,
With all due respect, I think you are treading in rough waters here. Ask yourself how this column glorifies Christ and/or reaches people for Him. I know it is exciting to use your "degreed skills" but I'm not sure this is the best use of them. Watching these types of films opens your mind to attack from Satan and that, quite frankly, is very dangerous.
I do not mean to rain on your parade. I am just concerned."

This is from a teacher I had in high school (the year I WENT to high school).

...

I don't really know what to say. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. Did I do that? Did I guilt trip people when I was a Christian? I'm sure I must have. And it bothers me. It bothers me that I did those things to people in the name of what I thought was right, and stepping outside that now it bothers me knowing how bad it hurts me that I might have done that to other people at one time.

I know she's concerned, I know she thinks she's doing right, and I know that just as it would have been pointless to try to talk sense into me back then, it's pointless to try to talk sense into her. But yeah, it does dump a buket of cold, shitty water all over my enthusiasm. Good LORD.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (inspiration)
Hey everyone! I've been excited about this for awhile, but I didn't want to say anything until it appeared....ow in addition to writing reviews for the website Cinema Crazed I also write a monthly column. Check it out!

Click here...it's called "Long Winded," appropriate, huh?

The first one is about a subject near and dear to my heart...and to [livejournal.com profile] ammix's heart as well. :-p
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (accepted)
Yes, Like a bad Myspace meme, I some bearing threats.

Look Ma, I Can Write! )

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Somehow, I've become a prolific little writer person. Perhaps the cranky bitch spirit that kept me alive through my teenage years, fueled by the poems and stories I wrote, is alive in me again. Because in the past week I've written a song (Did I tell you guys about that? I don't remember...that band I keep telling you to check out, Connaissance, I wrote the lyrics to their newest song...none of the music, but those words are mine and they're using them, and that...yeah, that really did something to me. I wouldn't say it ignited a spark because there's no sparkage, but there's definitely a tingle that was absent before that's somehow propelling me along like never before) and anyway, I wrote that, and I wrote that "Nobody's Home" song last night (which I think everyone hated, I don't know, but I wrote it just the same) and then I wrote a page for my novel and a page for my other novel that I haven't worked on in years, and I wrote this short story...and they're not Pulitzer prizewinners or anything, I don't delude myself, but I think they have a lot of merit just the same.

Here's the Connaissance Song, in Case I Didn't Share It )

And anyway...I'm spooging all over my journal again because somehow I'm writing again. And it's a good thing. The writing, it kills me sometimes, but then it brings me back to life again. And I need it.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (lickable)
Picture of my Pussy )

And check out my song, posted here. In fact, click and check out whatever I post here for you! You don't have to like it, just give it your attention for a bit (you might be surprised at the entertaining things I can dig up on the internet and you might find some music or movies to check out...if nothing else, you'll waste precious moments of your day when you could have been doing laundry or studying! Isn't procrastinating fun?!)

Poemetry

Jul. 15th, 2007 01:54 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (accepted)
I Write the Songs the World Sings )

Tonight is the evil depressing night from hell. For just about everyone, it would seem.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (inspiration)
This is a poem that Ghris Gregerson wrote about his mom Cindy. He's wise for a 13 year old. But then, he's had a really tough life. His mom was in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple for 10 years, and the husband of the marriage had children with both his wife and Cindy, so Chris was born. Then the wife kicked Cindy out of the house so she was homeless for a year and a half. She managed to survive and make it work with her son, and then she found a boyfriend and moved to another city. At this point, the husband and wife decided to fight for custody of Chris, and they won (because the judge thought they had a stable marriage).

!

So now Cindy lives in another city and pays child support and only gets to see her son for a few hours one weekday and then every other weekend. It's really depressing. But Chris is learning to deal with it as well as you can when you have to deal with shit like this. So this is the Mother's Day poem he wrote for his mom.

The Poem )

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