edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
So I'm making cheesecake today. Three of them to be exact. But I have good reasons for my madness. See, it all started at Meijer...A few weeks ago, Justin, the Grocery department manager, said that someone had given him a whole cheesecake, and he invited to let us eat some. I ate it, and dude, it was the best cheesecake I'd ever eaten, so I asked who gave him the cheesecake, and I nearly fell out of my chair when he said it was Frank, a guy who works in produce.

Let me tell you about frank. Frank is about nine feet tall, he's got biceps bigger than my head, and he's got a beer gut (but it's not like you'd ever think to point it out because he's nine feet tall and he's got biceps that are probably bigger than YOUR head, too, and he could crush you with his little finger). He talks in this wiseguy accent and any minute you expect him to come around the corner and whisper that he's gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. I call him Frank the Shank (but not to his face, cause, you know, he'd put out a hit on me) and essentially, he's the LAST person you'd think would be baking a cheesecake. But you haven't tasted this cheesecake. Seriously. I mean, I was terrified to go looking for Frank the Shank, but I also have my priorities, and I wanted to be able to make that cheesecake. So I wandered around the store, and I see Frank the Skank (FTS) strolling by (he never walks, he only strolls) and I popped out and said "Hey Frank? I hear you make a good cheesecake? Could maybe I have the recipe please if it's ok and you don't mind?" He turns around and looks at me as I'm saying this, and I half expected him to tell me he was going to put a horse's head in my bed, but he comes over to the aisle where I'm standing, and he gets all excited and starts waving his arms, and he starts telling me about this recipe. He's like, "Oh, it's really easy, you won't believe how easy, you'll do great at it, I have faith in you." And he starts laying out this recipe, and we start talking about baking, and the merits of real vanilla over imitation vanilla, and the reasons why his cheesecake is superior to the other recipes I've made (the secret is in the amount of sugar he uses and the sour cream in the topping) and it's an awesome conversation. The recipe he has makes six cheesecakes, but he cuts it in half like his family does, and when he brings me the recipe a few days later, it's written on this ratty old sheet of paper and it's his only copy, so I have to write it down and give him back the paper, but I'm glad to do that (I'm glad to do anything, dude...BEST. CHEESECAKE. EVAR.) so I copy the recipe and buy the ingredients this morning, and now I' making three cheesecakes. Lucky for me we have a crew potluck tomorrow, so everyone else will eat my cheesecakes because no way in fuck will I ever eat three (I can't even finish one by myself) but I'm so geeked to have a good cheesecake recipe (and so grateful to FTS for sharing his family recipe with me).

In further food news, I bought the ingredients to make pita nachos today but I'm tired after making three cheesecakes, so we'll see. These nachos have a lot of variation (sometimes I use beef marinated in yogurt and Garam Masala and melt feta cheese over the top, but today they're Italian style in honor of Frank the Shank, so they're going to have mushroom, spinach, artichoke, sundried tomato in olive oil, and 5 Italian blend cheese melted on top). I just cut up the pitas into chips, crisp them in the oven with garlic powder and curry powder and some salt (I love grease, as you all know, but they really get TOO greasy when you fry them) then I layer the vegetables and cheese on top and put them back into the oven for a bit to melt the cheese). They're so delicious, but I'm also really tired (I say as I update my LJ instead of getting off my ass and cooking them).

I bought my mom a late mother's day present. It's not late yet, but it will be by the time it arrives, and I hope she realizes it's from me...it's a copy of the movie "Spanglish." I know a lot of people hate that movie, and it's not perfect, but I still love it, and I hope my mom likes it, too. It's a good mother/daughter movie if ever there was one.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
I tried to talk to Jenn on Saturday night.

After everyone left my house, she stayed for four hundred and eighty six hours sitting at my kitchen table and talking, and at first it was ok, because she was going off about Danielle (her sister in law) and how Danielle should live her life (because if you don't recall, Jenn is the almighty, godly expert on how everyone else should live their lives everyday) and things seemed to be ok. But of course, as it always does with Jenn, things turned ugly. I started talking about what work was going to be like without Alan (Jenn's boyfriend) as my manager. I said I know things are going to be hard at work for the next three months, but I've been through a lot of stuff at work in my other jobs in the past, I've been through hell, and I'm going to work my ass off and get through it. At this point, she got a smug, nasty, condescending smirk on her face, and she shook her head. She didn't respond. So I said "What? Look, I've been through hell, I've had people scream at me on a fast food counter full of customers, I know work is going to be hard without Alan these next few months, but I'm going to work my ass off and get through it. things always seem worse when we're bitching about them, and it's almost never as bad as we think it's going to be, and I'm going to work my ass off, and I'll get through it." She continued to smirk like a cunt and shake her head, so I said "What? You're not saying anything. Why do you keep doing that?" At this point, she closed her eyes, shook her head, and said in her best cunty voice, "I'm not going to say anything, because no matter what I say, you're going to think I'm wrong."

And something inside me snapped.

Remember, if you will, that since we've been friends these past four years, I have let a LOT of things slide. She's called me a fatass (yes, in front of my face), she's said I was a moron, she's said I look like shit, she's gossiped to my friends about me behind my back, she's done everything a miserable piece of shit does, yet I forgave her and continued to call her a friend. No matter how many times she interrupted me in the middle of a sentence to contradict me, no matter how many times she insulted me in front of my friends and then laughed it off as a joke, no matter how many times she's treated me like garbage, I gave her second and third and millionth chances. I excused her actions because her dad was sick, or her grandparents were sick, or she was quitting smoking, or any number of other excuses she used, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and continued to be her friend, even when she'd interrupt me in the middle of one of my stories about one of my other friends and she'd say "People treat you like shit because you let them, but there's no point in me telling you that, because you don't want to listen to the truth." I bit my tongue, held back the truth that the ONLY reason that she and I were still friends was because I was willing to forgive her and excuse her bullshit, and just rationalized it away, saying she didn't have the maturity to see herself for how she truly treated people, and I forgave her and let it slide. No matter how many times she ranted and vented and I let her go on and on about everything that was wrong, but the second I started trying to say something that was wrong in my own life she'd interrupt me and say I was being negative, that bad things happened to me because I didn't take charge of my own life, that blah blah blah all I did was complain, whatever, I let it go and changed the subject, and she and I stayed friends because of my ability to put up with her shit. Even last week, when some people from my church asked me about the Day of Silence and what it was about, and I tried to get either Jenn or Bryce to answer, but they wouldn't, so I started giving an answer, and Jenn cut me off (talking very loudly, as is her wont) and gave this long, rambling answer, and then she flipped her hair and looked right at me and said "I answered because you couldn't," and I responded "Yeah, that's why my mouth was moving and words were coming out," and she said, "Well I get to the point, I don't go on and on like YOU do." Even THEN, I let it go, I excused it as stress from the move and just Jenn being herself and I needed to blow it off, and even though I wanted to cry and I shook and when she kept trying to hug me throughout the night I had to restrain myself from wringing her prissy little neck, I let it go.

But Saturday night, in my apartment, when she'd taken up all my sleeping time with her psychobabble about how everyone else should live their life, when I'd tried my best to be positive and bare my soul about something I was worried about (my work situation) but I'd tried to be positive and give myself hope, when she kicked me into the ditch and spit in my face like that, and then said that I was the one who always thought SHE was wrong no matter what she said, I lost it.

I started yelling at her. I said "First of all, I am not the one who always says YOU are wrong, YOU always interrupt me and say I'm wrong, even when I'm in the middle of a sentence. Second of all, I know I've never been through a manager shift at Meijer like this one, but I've been treated like shit by bosses who intentionally degraded me in front of customers every day when I came into work, I know if I survived that, I can survive this, and you know what? When I listen to you rant for hours and don't tell you that anything you say is wrong but you interrupt me after five minutes and say that I say everything you say is wrong, it's a mean, nasty thing for you to say, and I'd rather you stab me in the face than treat me like shit like that."

Yeah, I know, it was pretty inarticulate. I get that way when I'm enraged. Of course, she just raised her eyebrows and changed the subject to something, else, but I've been fuming for the past few days over what a piece of shit she is for saying that to me. I can't fucking win, obviously. When I try to vent, I'm being negative. When I try to be positive and say I'll make it through something, I don't know what I'm talking about. There's no point in even trying to reason with that. I'm so tired of being treated that way by my friends. [personal profile] bohemianeditor made this comment about my DSAGA picnic photos, and it struck me. She said I looked confident in the pictures, and you know what? I do. When I'm around friends who don't constantly put me down every second we talk, I do feel more confident, and it helps me to see how much better my life is when those "friends" aren't around. I'm going to try and cultivate that, and I'll miss Jenn when she moves, but I'll definitely enjoy the freedom I'll have to talk without someone cutting me off all the time to say that I'm an idiot, and I'll be glad that she's mostly out of my life after that point, because some people don't get it, no matter how many times you try to talk to them.

Onward and upward. These next few months are going to be shit. Without Alan there to deflect the criticism, we're going to get yelled at a lot more, and it's already starting, and I'm really upset and trying my best to hang on by a thread (ask me how much I needed someone to kick me down like Jenn did, ask me that) but I'll try to keep going and try to survive. If that makes me a stupid moron who doesn't know shit, then so be it. Fuck you, too.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Guys, Dan Dice died. :( He's one of the first people to welcome me to St. Andrews and he drove to my apartment to give me a coffee mug and tell me he was glad I came. I don't care if it was his job, it was still really cool of him to do it (and he tried to deliver it once before, but in the great wisdom of Big Rapids, there are actually TWO "1127 Fuller Avenues" and he went to the other one, so he called me to get my address and we chatted a bit about cancer treatments, since he had cancer...)

:(

This is really sad.

I've had a migraine for two days now and nothing seems to take it away, and it really hurts. I was so desperate for it to stop hurting that I took a Vicodin at work last night (nausea from hell be damned...except that now it's back with a vengeance that makes me want to stab myself in the face with a fork). I'm tired but can't sleep (stupid Excedrin with its stupid caffeine) and I feel all discombobulated. I got some laundry done but I'm all weepy and tired and in pain and I want to throw up...sigh. This is a sad day.

At least I got to go to church. That's something. The Shift Leader gets it, even if the manager is a big fucking prickface.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
I told my manager that if they hold me over and don't let me go to church tomorrow, I'm going to call a lawyer. He said I can't do that, so I want to do it just out of spite. I signed a non-discrimination policy that said they wouldn't discriminate against me based on my religion, and holding me over so I don't get to go to church every week comes pretty close. I don't know why it's so fucking hard for them to let me go at 7:30 so I can go to church. We're scheduled out at 6 AM, so I'm already staying an hour and a half over, and this is the only day where I've ever asked not to stay. I think they're being pricks about it, honestly. We'll see. If they make me miss church AGAIN, I will be out for blood.

So what do you do when work makes you want to kill everyone? You get home and make yourself a big, juicy steak (on sale at Meijer for $2 a pound) and some cheesy bacon barbecue mashed potatoes.

Say what?

I know, it may sound really gross, but I invented this recipe when I was a kid screwing around with some leftovers on my plate, mixing them together and discovering it tasted good, and the resulting recipe tastes divine, I swear. I mash 1 and 1/2 pounds Yukon gold potatoes with 1/4 cup soy milk, 1/4 cup Gorgonzola cheese, 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese, 4 slices crumbled bacon, and 1/4 cup original Open Pit barbecue sauce. Trust me, it's delicious. Would I lie to you?

There were MOBS of people waiting to buy "Twilight" at midnight at work. I was fearful for my life, but luckily I survived. Seriously, people were grabbing it off the display as we were wheeling it out, they didn't even wait for me to stop. I had to physically restrain myself from buying a copy myself (no money, no, bad Lillian, and you're not allowed to spend food money on a movie, either, I know you're thinking it). I wasn't going to see the movie at all, but then I read the book on Tuesday and loved it, so now I kind of want to see the movie and compare the two. I'm going to be getting a copy here soon, so I don't need to buy one, but it was hard looking at Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson staring at me from the display all night and not grabbing myself a copy. :-p

Time to go eat my food and watch the Food Network. Nom nom nom.

eep

Mar. 15th, 2009 11:55 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicidal)
Ok, who bought me "Twilight"? I'm assuming it was one of you guys, since it just came in the mail yesterday and really only you guys know my address (and if some creepy axe murderer also knows my address, hey, at least he bought me "Twilight"). Thank you to whoever it was. I've been meaning to read that book. It will give me something to read in the midst of all the depressing crap I'm slogging through right now.

We're having a crisis at work. One lady is pregnant, so she can't lift as much and she's throwing up all the time, one guy moved to first shift and he was one of our best stockers, one guy used to be good but has a horrible attitude problem now and won't do any work (to show you how bad he is, remember that guy Coley who screamed that I was a bitch across three aisles of the store? I'd rather work with him than this guy) and we have a lot of new people who don't know what they're doing yet. It's a mess. We have a guy transferring from first shift so that should help, but he has a big rockstar attitude, so it might be a bad thing. I dunno. All I know is I'm exhausted and my feet hurt like hell. I got out of work and got home at 7:40 this morning, and said fuck it, so I ran to church (I haven't been in two weeks) and it was good. I missed it a lot. I hope the heathens will let me out on time so I can actually go from now on. I walked home, put some laundry in, took a shower, scrubbed the toilet, sprayed ammonia and bleach into the toilet at the same time, started feeling a burning in my lungs, remembered that you're not supposed to mix ammonia and bleach for that reason, and ran out to open windows. It's sufficiently cleared out now, but it was pretty bad for awhile. I went to the dollar store and bought some baby oil gel and baby oil cream to try and tame my dry skin. They smell great and they seem to be working. I still haven't eaten. Now that the laundry is dry and folded and put away (reading [livejournal.com profile] thecherrywench's LJ posts has inspired me to start actually FOLDING my laundry and PUTTING IT AWAY instead of letting it sit in a basket in the closet like a buffoon). I should go about finding sustenance for myself. And maybe watch some TV. Maybe watch "Milk" again. Soon I will have it memorized.

DIE

Mar. 12th, 2009 10:41 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
Shitty night from fucking hell last night. Was going to skip watching "Milk" this morning but said night from hell made watching movie a necessity in order to keep me from killing EVERYONE.

"You are not sick, and you are not wrong, and God does NOT hate you."

"We can change Phoenix, ok? But we have to start with OUR STREET."

"I know you can't live on hope alone. But without hope, life is not worth living. So you, and you, and you. Give them hope. Give them hope."

...

O-B-S-E-S-S-I-O-N
edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
I've had the BEST DAY EVER OMG.

First of all, work was the fifth ring of hell all night. I busted my ass even though I was throwing up all night, and when I got to have to help bail out the stupid bitch who was working the media department, I had to sort through all 6 carts by myself while she stood there walking around. then the morning lady comes in and informs my manager that I made a mess of the baby department and I'm lazy and I never do my job. He stuck up for me, but I was still boiling (not at him, just at the whole situation). Then I went to go stock the one cart the lazy bitch with me had supposedly sorted, and none of it went out, it was all new stuff, so I had to take it back and walk to a phone and call my boss and tell him that it didn't go out, and he morning people will say it does go out and I'm lying (apparently I do that all the time,I'm a lying bitch who doesn't do my job). I was out for blood. Not to mention I didn't get to go to church because of the time change (they made us stay until the clock said 8:30, which was really 7:30, but we live in magic land where time moves around for no reason twice a year. Let's do the time warp again. Anyway, I was praying "Our Father" and "Hail Mary" all night out loud, because those are the only two prayers I know by heart (and fuck anyone who says there's something wrong with praying the fucking Hail Mary, it's calming and soothing and they can cram their anti-Catholic opinion up their asses) I was so pissed I would have killed someone if I hadn't had a prayer to occupy my mind. Plus I was trying to let God be a part of my day even though I was in HELL. The morning people were all stomping around glaring at me but looking away when I'd look at them like we were all fucking five years old. I don't have time for this shit. I was too busy doing my job, dammit.

So I get home, I'm too tired and upset to do laundry, so I fall into a nap, and when I wake up, my friend Michelle has left me a message saying she needs to talk to me. At first it was ok, because she told me that she had extra food stamp money for the month, so she bought me some food (which was really nice of her). But then, as always happens, things got ugly. First, she said that I need to realize that she's going to teach her son "what the bible says" so she needs to teach him that I'm going to hell because I'm gay. Dude, guys, that might not sound like a big deal, but I love that little kid with all my heart, and this totally crushes me. I don't want him growing up thinking I'm going to hell. I know what that's like for a kid! Plus, his daddy is gay so she says she has to "combat what daddy says" because daddy is "out and proud" so as much as an asshole as Tim is, Aiden doesn't need to be taught that his daddy is going to hell. Jesus Christ.

I'm so crushed. I'm going to sulk around and make some juice and watch the series finale of The L Word tonight. Because I'm all gay and evil like that.

emo post

Feb. 4th, 2009 09:26 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (accepted)
So my friend Marilyn who I work with found out today I was gay (or whatever the fuck you want to call me). Marilyn and I have been hanging out for a few weeks now, getting to know each other better. At first, I was feeling it out, seeing if she'd freak if she found out about me, so I threw in some gratuitous mentions of stories I have about my gay friends, and she said "As long as you don't live that lifestyle, it's fine who you're friends with. So ok, check, I can't tell her. Ok, fine. But of course she finds out. She came to church with me tonight, and that was ok even though she was leery about Episcopalian stuff and the whole "look we're all reading the same prayer, isn't that fun" ritual stuff that bothers people, but after church I go to the GLWTFBBQ meeting, and she asked if she could go to the meeting with me, not knowing what it was, and I said she could but a lot of people might not want to go, and she asked what it was, and when I told her, she glared at me. I thought she was going to kick me out of her car, but she drove me to the meeting and told me to get out. Fun times. Man, I'm even MORE excited to go to work now than I usually am! Woo hoo! Please PLEASE shoot me now.

Why do people assume you're hitting on them if they find out you're gay? Seriously? I've never done anything remotely hitting on her at all before, but she says "I'm not gay!" That's the first fucking thing out of everyone's mouths when they find out. GRR anger burning inside me.

FUCK.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (idontcare)
So tonight getting ready for work I go to pull on my shoes, and the tongue is rolled up so they hurt, so I go to pull them off to straighten it and try again...and the soles of the shows pulled right off.

...

They've had holes for awhile now but it's not really in my budget of zero dollars to buy new shoes, so I've been ignoring it and getting snow on my feet while walking to work. Bah. I didn't know what to do. Luckily, a friend sent me some money, and that plus the $10 I got for filling out a survey sent my bank account into the positive and left me money for shoes, so I found some shoes on clearance at work and now I have work shoes again (thank you anonymous friend, I won't say your name here but I think you know who you are...and thanks for the book too, I want to read it right now).

If you're wondering why I need separate shoes for work and for every other activity...then you don't know what it's like to have to work 8 hours on your feet with arches so bad that they send shooting pains up your legs and make you wish you were dead. SRSLY. I have to have special insoles in order to be able to stand working at all at my job being on my feet so much (and the insoles were on sale for $5, so I had money for both those and the shoes, which were $11.99...yay me).

Today I threw up a lot at work, and I got a bloody nose that lasted 10 minutes (when I throw up I do it through my nose, so there's no avoiding tearing it up) and then my nasal passages must still have been bleeding because I went to cough and I coughed a blood clot into my hand. Eeeeww. I cough up blood all the time, but never a clot before. To be honest, it freaked me out.

...

Yeah...the shoes were the only positive in my night tonight. I have awesome friends. Thank you all.

I'm making garlic bread I dug out of my freezer with ranch dressing, melted cheese, and crumbled bacon on top. Take note, my foodie friends, this is an awesome treat.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (empty wallet)
Well, all hell broke loose yesterday.

I went to get the mail right before I left for work at 10:20 PM, and there was a letter from the student loan people. They informed me that my $60 a month payments weren't enough for them anymore, so they were taking action to contact my employer and have my wages garnished. I knew this was probably going to happen eventually, but with everything else going on, I was trying not to think about it because I was doing the best I could do. It's all in the 10 page letter they sent, which I did my best to comprehend on little sleep and not much food. They claim I haven't made any action to pay off my loan, which the lady from the collection agency told me they could do, since she said $60 doesn't even cover the interest on the loan (she ordered me to pay $198 a month, but I just can't do that with my budget, I'm barely scraping by as it is, so I told her I was going to pay what I could afford, which was $60 a month, and she went off that "that won't even cover the interest on the loans" and "you're not in a position to dictate repayment to these people, you owe them this amount and they have the right to get it from you no matter what you think you can pay" and "we will bleed you dry until we get it, we can take your tax returns and take everything you own and hold dear, do not attempt to ignore us" and a bunch of other lovely things). I already don't have enough money to buy food every month, and now with this, I don't know how I'll get by. I did the math in my head, and since my rent is going to be raised to about $160 a month, my electric is $115 a month, my phone bill is $50 a month, my gas is $65 a month (and that's with the budget plan on the gas and electric, which means it's less than I used to pay, and that it's the same flat rate all year, even during the summer when I don't use the gas) and now they'll be taking 15% of my income for the loan, that will be another $150 a month, which leaves me less than $30 a month for food, medicine, personal care products, laundry (I haven't done laundry in almost two months because I haven't had the extra $10 out of the paycheck to get a roll of quarters and do the laundry, I've been scrubbing things in the sink, and thus things are looking pretty grubby...) etc. I know that according to Jenn I should have $25 a month for insurance and I should always have $3 to take a cab, but it's just not looking that way. I'm really really afraid right now.

The letter says I have a chance to appeal, but no matter what people say, that isn't as easy as it looks or sounds, and of all the people I know who tried to appeal a decision like this, not one of them has ever won, even my mom, who was making $3000 a year at the time with two kids to support and was on both food and cash assistance, didn't win her appeal. It's the same thing with the SSI claim I filed that people told me "oh, they'll just deny you, but just appeal and blah blah blah." Not only did I lose my appeal, but my friend Michelle (not Aiden's mom) has a degenerative bone disease which makes one of her legs noticeably shorter than the other so she has to limp around everywhere, has documentation from doctors for all of this, had documentation from the SSI doctors themselves saying that yes indeed she was sick, and she lost her claim and her appeal as well. And she even had a lawyer. I'm going to file an appeal anyway and see if they will let me keep paying $60 a month on the grounds that $160 will be too much of an economic hardship for me. I have proof that I made the payments in the past, but that isn't the issue here, even if the court sees fit to acknowledge that I have been paying, they can still decide in favor of the student loan company and deduct the $160 a month from my "disposable income" (my pay after taxes...hey look, I have disposable income, just what I always wanted...wait, that's only "disposable" if I don't want to eat and take showers and do laundry and such) if they determine that $60 wasn't enough for me to pay.

I'm trying very hard. I'm writing again. I wrote 6 pages on one of my novels the other day and it's taking shape a lot better now, I'm working on the other book, I'm trying to get enough sleep, I'm praying and going to church no matter how hard it is for me, I'm trying to eat better (by which I mean actually eat real meals every day, not going three days without eating and then passing out at work because of it) and it may not look to anyone else like I'm trying, but I am. And now this.
edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
People, in general, are selfish assholes who should pretty much all be shot.

Case in point? I really can't take this bullshit anymore. There's a guy at work who's 19, and every night, he has to start in on me teasing me, but when I tease him back, he gets pissed and starts throwing a fit or calling me a "bitch." I finished up my work and we were all scattered around the store doing various jobs this morning, and when my ride Cindy and I finished the manager said we could go, so I clocked out and started some shopping. I walked by this guy and he was still working on a job, so he yelled out, "Who said you get to leave?" Which was jab number one. I didn't jab back, instead I replied "Alan said I could leave" (the GM manager) and then, thinking this guy might not know that we were allowed to leave, I said that Alan had told me we were done for the day, to which the guy replies, "Well JUSTIN (the grocery manager) told me to do THIS" which was jab number two, since there's really no need to SCREAM at me when I'm just trying to relay information. But still I didn't snap at him, we were in the middle of the center aisle of the store and there was no way for me to walk by without passing him, so I couldn't avoid it, so I tried talking civilly to him again as I walked by, hoping to avoid any further conversation. In that vein, I said, "Oh, Justin threw a fit because this wasn't done?" and the guy says "No, he ASKED me to do it, people are ADULTS, they don't throw FITS, but then you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" This is unnecessary jab number three, and for me, it's the last straw, so I said "When you say people are adults, you mean everyone but you, right?" and I finally pass him in the aisle, and I'm walking away and I get three aisles away from him before he screams "Hey watch out for houses falling on you. " He yells this. Across three aisles of the store.

First of all, there's no need to snap angrily at me because I'm allowed to leave. Obviously I didn't just leave on my own, obviously I was told I could clock out, so there is no need to snap at me because you see that I'm leaving the store while you are still working. Second, when I try to tell you that we're allowed to leave, there's no need for you to snap at me that someone asked you to do another job. First of all, it's unprofessional behavior in front of the customers that fill the store at seven thirty AM. All he had to do was say "I'm finishing this up for Justin," or if he was really that irritated with me and he really hates me that much, he could have ignored me in the first place when I walked by and not snapped out "Who told YOU that you could leave?" If he hates me that much, why initiate conversation with me at all? Thirdly, there is no need to snap at me that "people are adults but I wouldn't know anything about that." I did nothing to warrant an insult like that, and this method of insulting and trying to embarrass me might work if he's the bully on a playground, but it's horribly unprofessional behavior for an employee at a place of work. Fourth, while my comment that everyone was adult except him WAS a rude thing to say, I don't think it was unjustified, given that he'd just insulted me in a similar manner, and however wrong what I said may have been, it did NOT justify him SCREAMING at me across three aisles of the store. That was unprofessional, rude, uncalled for, and it's something customers do not need to see when they're trying to shop in the morning. If he hates me that badly, he can hate me all he wants and tell other people what he thinks of me, but as soon as he gets into my face and says those things TO me, he's creating a hostile work environment for me, and it's not something I want or need at my place of work.

What the fuck did I do to deserve that though, seriously? I'd almost be proud of him, since "watch out for houses falling on you" is kind of clever, but that's the thing, it's NOT just that he teases me and I respond, it's not teasing if I'm not allowed to say anything back, it's not teasing when I'm singled out for this kind of treatment, it's not teasing when we're in public in front of customers and he feels the need to yell these things. I don't know if he's trying to embarrass me or if he really hates me so much that he's trying to hurt me any way he can or if he really thinks he's joking and what he says is funny, but no matter what, it's getting to the point where I can't stand to be in that place knowing this is how I'll be treated. I might have said something teasing to him, and it might have been rude, but I don't even think it was as rude as what he said, and even if it was, I did nothing to deserve a jab like that, ESPECIALLY when it's screamed across three aisles of the store. I've tried ignoring this guy, but when I ignore him, he says I'm a bitch who thinks I'm better than everybody because I won't talk to him. I tried talking to the manager numerous times, and he says the guy is immature and I should just ignore him, but when he's singling me out like this, I can't just ignore it because insults are going to be lobbed my way anyway even if I don't initiate conversation with the guy. I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. I can't ignore him because he screams at me, I can't talk to him because he screams at me, I'm at my wits end. But I can't take having to go into work knowing that insults like that are going to be yelled at me across a crowded store. I don't deserve to be treated like that. Jesus Christ. People at work, they say I'm "picking on this guy" all the time, but what happens is I ignore him and he picks at me and picks at me and picks at me until finally I snap, and everyone walks in when I'm going off on him, and then I look like the bad guy when really he's been badgering and berating me all night. I'm so tired of looking like the bad guy when I was trying to defend myself against attacks. Everything I do is open for this guy to criticize. I finish stocking five departments and he says all my loads were small, so really I "did nothing all night, look how easy that is." I stop to sort out my stock by aisle before I start stocking it, and he says "Dud, look how long it takes you to even START stocking." I try to move as much to the aisle as I can and my stack of boxes falls over, and he says "You don't even know how to stack." He makes these comments over and over and over, and I ignore him for as long as I can, and finally I can't take any more and I snap at him, but then all people hear is me yelling at him, and he looks like the poor victim. I was trying to put away misdirects the other night and I had some glue that went in an aisle in his department, so I pushed my cart into the aisle and he was standing there blocking the aisle. I said "excuse me" and he repeated back "excuse me" in a sing-song tone, so I said "I need to get through to stock this" and he said "You can go around, I'm standing here." And he wasn't standing there stocking, he was standing there talking to another worker. They weren't even doing work, and turning around would have meant I would have had to turn my cart around, go back down and across and over three aisles and then walk all the way down the aisle the back way, and all because he didn't want to move, so I finally said "No, you need to move" and he moved but not without saying "God, she thinks she owns the place, she thinks she's better than everyone else, doesn't she?" I don't need that kind of shit. I didn't insult him, I didn't say anything about the fact that he was standing his fat ass in the aisle not moving and not doing anything productive, all I did was ask him to move. What is he, five years old? I can't even do my job because this guy feels the need to throw his weight around like he's a bully at an elementary school.

AGH.

*tears hair out*
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
So on Saturday, I got a sore throat. This isn't a big deal, as I'm used to getting sore throats, though mine tend to be bad by most standards. I took some day quil to mellow out at work and waited for the first three days of my cold to be over and for my throat to start feeling better.

...

By Monday, my "cold" had blossomed into searing pain in my throat that was so bad I writhed in pain on my bed unable to sleep and spitting up most of what I had to swallow. The sides of my throat are bulging and red and they have a whitish center (I tried to get some pictures, but nothing took) and not to mention that, my regimen of drinking orange juice and gargling with salt water had left my throat burned and raw so it was bleeding every time I coughed. I'm fucking done with the salt water, people. The shit burns and it makes me puke and I don't care if it works for other people, it doesn't work for me. I only used it because dilute peroxide didn't work either and the doctors told me not to use the mouth wash because it was burning and scarring the tissues in my mouth, but I'm not THAT desperate to gargle with something. Fuck salt water. Fuck gargling. And fuck orange juice. I'm drinking raspberry iced tea and liking the feeling of not having searing napalm dumped down my throat every time I take a sip. But I digress. My condition aroused concern at work, and when we got out early this morning, one of my coworkers offered to drive me to the emergency room, so I took her up on the offer. The nurses and the doctor freaked when they saw my glands ("Thaaat's not good...your throat is definitely angry" were the doctor's exact words) and after doing a throat culture which was negative for strep (like it always is) they did some blood work. they're suspecting I might have mono (I must have made out with typhoid Mary in my sleep) but either way, the writhing I did on the hospital bed must have impressed them, because they prescribed me Cephalaxin (or something like that, the doctor spelled it and it looked like K-PAX, I shit you not, I'm taking alien medication from Kevin Spacey's home planet) and 800 mg Motrin AND VICODIN. For a SORE THROAT. The doctor said "That looks like it's causing you some agony and I want you to be able to sleep."

So let me get this straight...I have my cervix ripped out and I get squat, but I get a sore throat and NOW you give me Vicodin? Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful that they took my pain seriously, but sheesh people.

We got out of the hospital at 5 AM and Marilyn drove me home because the pharmacy doesn't open until 9 AM, so I napped a bit and then picked up al my prescriptions. I'm still in a lot of pain but I can talk a lot easier now. I'm marveling that the doctor didn't even mention the A word (Amoxicillin or Augmentin, you take your pick, those were the drugs prescribed to me by the bucket load when I was a teen with sore throats every fucking week) and this new drug doesn't fuck around, you take it FOUR times a day for ten days, none of this "take twice daily" bullshit. Plus, Vicodin? Really? And did you guys know 20 Vicodin only cost $12.44? Dude. That's like, cheaper than Tylenol (ok, it's not, but still, nowhere near as bad as I feared). I'm just hoping my paycheck deposits before I overdraw, but again, I'm in pain, so I didn't have much of a choice, I took so much Tylenol and Aleve and ibuprofen yesterday that I threw up and that burned like hell not to mention it didn't help the pain any.

I'm concerned about the medical bill, but they're billing medicaid since they say that staph infections and other infections like this can go along with the cervical nastiness (I don't ask questions, people say screwy things and I just smile and nod) so if the medicaid bitches and throws the bill back at me, I'll use my tax money to pay it. I just hope it works out and this pain goes away.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (empty wallet)
My latest Long Winded is here: http://www.cinema-crazed.com/h-q/longwinded18.htm

In it, I talk about something hilarious that happened at work, involving "evil dolls." I expect to be fired soon. Good thing I have the whole next week off for surgery, huh? Seriously, read this one guys. It's religiously offensive in a lot of ways that will soon get me deported (straight to hell, as I'm told). It's about Islam...or wait, it's NOT really about that, but rather about stupid people who THINK they know anything about Islam. I'll admit, I'm ignorant of a lot of the beliefs of Islam, but I feel like a fucking EXPERT compared to some of my co-workers. Tee hee. *twirl hair*

At my doctor's appointment on Tuesday, I asked them to fill out medical leave paperwork for my job. Everyone in the office that I asked sent me to someone else. Repeat five times for a total of fifteen minutes. No, I'm not kidding (and it's a small office, they were literally sending me like, a foot away each time). Finally Jenn and I (she came with me; she's a peach) stood in front of the desk of a nurse who was supposed to fill out the paperwork while she ignored us for ten minutes. And there was no glass between us, I mean she sat inches from me ignoring me and reading a paper while I stood there like a moog waiting for her to acknowledge my presence. "Excuse me" did nothing to make her look up, so we stood there. Finally she took the paper from me, said she didn't have time to fill it out, and told me to come back later that day. I explained that I had to take a cab every time I came there, so I couldn't afford to do this, and she signed as if the world were on her shoulders and asked me for the fax number to my workplace. Jenn and I made three calls before we found this information. Fast forward to Thursday morning. After getting only minutes of sleep and then working a long and tiring 8 hour shift I inquired if my boss got my paperwork. He said he hadn't gotten it and we talked to the secretary (conveniently, she is a close relative of both Hitler and Satan). She said "No I didn't get it...and you should know better than to fax medical leave paperwork anyway, it's something that should be delivered by hand to avoid something like this happening." Thank you, oh great ray of sunshine and joy. After five minutes of trying to find out what to do (and having her basically call me an idiot five more times) I was literally in tears when I left. I called the doctor's office, cycling through five different people and hearing them say they didn't know which paper I was talking about. Finally, I got another form to fill out from work and yesterday morning called the doctor to tell them I was beating down their door until I filled it out. I reached someone who said she still had the original form I'd filled out, so she could give it to me since the doctor wasn't in to sign it if I had them fill it out again. I said great, then I called a cab. The cab driver told me it would be a half hour before she could pick me up. I said this was fine. ONE HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES LATER I called HER to ask what was going on, and she said "I have three more people to drop off and then I have three timed calls and then I can get you. She told me NONE of this when I originally called her, and by now it's been almost three times the amount of time she said it would originally be, so the doctor's office is closing for lunch in ten minutes and I'm in tears again (remember, I've gotten almost no sleep this week period). I call another cab company and the guy says he'll be there in twenty minutes (the roads here are for shit with the snow and ice so I understand this, I only wish I'd called him ALMOST TWO HOURS AGO but their cab costs a dollar more, and as silly as that sounds, that's a lot of money for me right now but I can't physically take walking on the ice and snow to the doctor's office (though it would have been faster for me to walk at this point) so I call the doctor's office and say I need them to have the paper ready for me. She tells me it won't be possible, as they're closing for lunch. I snap (but still don't raise my voice) and say that I have to pay for an expensive cab to pick up paperwork because of her office's mistake, so they're going to have the paper ready whether they like it or not. she sighs and says it will be ready. 30 minutes later I'm standing at the desk while they all flit around and ignore me for ten minutes, then they can't find the paperwork so it takes another ten minutes for them to find it, then it takes another ten minutes for my cab to arrive and I'm in tears again watching my chance at sleep slip away. We go to Meijer, drop off the paperwork, and I wait for the cab, shivering so badly that even standing in front of the heater in the entryway doesn't keep me warm. When I finally get home, I can't get warm for the life of me. I'm so cold I'm crying under a pile of blankets on my bed. I need an electric blanket, but I don't have the budget for one right now.

The upshot is that my time off was approved, so even though I'm going to starve and my heat and electricity and phone are going to be turned off because I can't afford to take a week off of work to recover from my LEEP, I'll have the next week off anyway. I'm crossing my fingers that everything, food, money, bills, cancer, etc. works out. I ended up spending my $100 I said was for a rainy day (it's really snowy outside, does that count?) to pay the rent and buy some food since I'll have the week off and not be able to get paid for this. This morning I took that food money and bought a few groceries for the week I'll be off and when I got them home my bottle of vegetable oil was split open and leaked all over my groceries in the bag. I was in shock, and I said "I needed you..." and then just collapsed in tears on my kitchen floor in the puddle of oil. I really needed that oil. I needed more, but $1.79 was all I could afford (when did oil get so expensive? Jeeze). I haven't cried over lost/lack of food since I was a kid. I'm going to try and get another bottle of oil from the store tonight by bringing in the faulty bottle and my receipt. The other groceries were oily but they seem to be ok. I hope so, because they're all I've got.

The one plus to all this is that even though as it gets closer to Christmas Eve things get harder with missing Mike and all, I found out we're going to have two church services on Christmas Eve, one at like, 8 and one at midnight, so I'll be occupied on that day. Sigh.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (empty wallet)
So I said something about Black Friday at work and someone asked if I was being racist.

...

I work with really smart people.

Anyway, my Thanksgiving was good. As I mentioned in my last post I worked all night, I made my own meatloaf (it cooked in the slow cooker while I worked all night) and then I came home to stuff my face. Today after work I bought a half priced pumpkin pie from the bakery at Meijer and also bought a huge carton of cool whip, and I plan to eat it later while chilling all day. I totally needed something sweet and I didn't have any desert yesterday. It's my first day off in a week. I'm pumped because I just had my first "Black Friday" shopping experience ever (and yes, I am racist...it's not "African American" Friday in my house). It was crazy but not as bad as I expected. I feel a weird fierce loyalty to Kmart because I live in an apartment behind their store and so I walked there for their sale, and I waited in line. this was freezing cold, but actually not as bad as it sounds. I'm a freak, so I actually like waiting in line, because I like chatting with people. we were all bleary eyed and chatty and the staff of the store had made coffee for us, so that was a nice gesture. It was actually kind of fun, and seeing people pile into the store made me feel good because KMart is always on the brink of bankruptcy so it was nice to know they were making some sales (I told you, me and KMart, we're close). While I didn't get the doorbuster item I was mainly looking for ($10 MP3 Player, on sale from $40, and believe me, when they call it a "doorbuster" they fucking mean it, you have to bust the door down to be able to nab the damn thing) I did get 2 awesomely cool $5 barbie dolls for my "Angel Tree" kid from church. For those who don't know what my hip cool slang means, an "Angel Tree" kid is a poor kid whose parents fill out a slip of paper asking for gifts so they can give the kid a Christmas...I'm all about that...once the paper is filled out, the parents tie the paper to a tree somewhere, maybe the Walmart or Kmart entryway (not the Meijer entryway, because we are heartless and don't care to help poor children) but anyway, my church hosts an Angel Tree too, so I grabbed a name right away, and this girl and I are in sync. She loves Barbies and Hannah Montana, and she loves the color pink...yes, I realize I just admitted to liking Hannah Montana. Yes I am secretly twelve years old. Yes, I am comfortable with this. I also happened to notice in my shopping the "When a Stranger Calls" remake on sale for $3.99, so I nabbed that too. I know a lot of people hate that movie, but I liked it, so I'm pretty happy that I got it for cheap and I can watch it any time I want. Plus I managed to order my MP3 player online, so I got that, too. Yes, I NEED another MP3 player. Yes this was a good use of my money. It IS TOO, shut up, what are you, my MOM? Ok, while I may not NEED it, this MP3 player is better than mine; this one is rechargeable and it holds 2 gig of data, so it was a good deal and I'm pumped (plus it's all cute and pink...yes, I have issues, we know this). All in all a good start to what I hope is a good day. This is my Thanksgiving.

PYX )
edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
Well, my night at work last night was just about the shittiest it could possibly have been. First, I got yelled at for asking someone to cover my shift on Sunday (apparently we're not allowed to ask people to cover for us even if we're dying and bleeding from the eyes, who knew) and we had to finish all the stocking from the night before plus whatever came on the truck last night, and we weren't allowed to leave until it was finished, so we were there until after 9 AM this morning. I stocked 10 skids by myself and had to run around helping people and customers, and I was lifting so much that I tore the new healed skin out of my incisions and started pissing and throwing up blood (not torrents or anything, just small amounts, which they told me would happen if I did too much lifting, but still, it was freaky; since they just use liquid band aid and don't stitch anything the skin is very easy to tear but it's still creepy to have blood coming out of there that you know is from incisions, and of course the pain made me nauseous and made me throw up which in turn made my throat ache and bleed, so that's probably where the blood in my vomit came from, it's happened before) but we had so much fucking stock to do that I didn't want to let them down by saying "hey, I'm throwing up blood, can I stop now?" so I just plowed through it and tried not to cry when people made fun of me for not wanting to lift heavy things. I am in SO MUCH pain right now. Plus, to make the night even more fun, there's this newer guy named Coley who started out good but now sucks ass stocking in any other area other than the one we started him in, ans he fucked around all night when I was in the toy department trying to help him stock, and he kept laughing at me and knocking toys out of my hand while I was trying to stock them like a fucking five year old. I wanted to kill him. Then to top off the wonderful evening, the floor crew (which is made up of all Mexican people who don't speak English) started yelling at me because there was stuff on the floor and they couldn't clean, and they started moving our skids of stock around so they could clean, which they're not supposed to do; they're supposed to clean around our stuff, not move it, and they were driving the pallet jacks around and crashing into things and laughing and I finally had to call the manager over to talk to them because I was too angry and was going to kill them if I tried talking to them myself. All in all it was a really shitty night and we still didn't get everything done, so we have more to look forward to tonight. I'm so tired. And I have to work Sunday too. Maybe I'll get lucky and bleed to death in my sleep so I don't have to go in.

Plus also to add to all that, I got a card from my mom a few days ago and in it she mentioned in passing that my grandmother died a few months ago and no one bothered to tell me about it, so I keep thinking about her and how I never got to say goodbye and crying about it. Bleh. Blubber blubber.

BUT LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT )
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicide)
Happy Halloween everyone!

I made a wonderful discovery today. I had to condense the Halloween candy into 2 bins, since I was the only stocker in the store (my manager was there, but he had to stock dog food) and I discovered that Hershey's makes candy corn flavored Hershey's Kisses! ZOMG. They're the consistency of chocolate, but instead of being yucky chocolate flavor, they taste like candy corn (a little like fake butter, but still delicious). I'm picking up a bag after work tomorrow as well because the reviews have been mixed and as with any specialty candy, I don't know if I'll ever be able to find these again, so I must gorge myself on them as much as I can.

EDIT: There was a link here that took me to a website where I could buy candy. Apparently, on everyone else's browser it showed up as porn. If this ever happens again, please post a comment saying..."Um...did you mean to have a cock there?" because if you just leave a comment saying the post isn't safe for work and saying "OH GOD I'M BLIND" and such, I will be very confused and might not remove the link because I won't understand what the comments are about, because when I click the link, I do not see what you see. I don't ever post nekkid pics without an LJ cut (intentionally, anyway, apparently it happened this time).



edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Just got back from Planned Parenthood. My test results came back from my most recent spat of pap smears. I have pre-cancerous lesions in my cervix and they need to get me to a clinic in Grand Rapids to have them checked out and decide on a course of treatment. I don't have a car so I don't know how I'm going to get to Grand Rapids. If I can get to the clinic in Grand Rapids they can cover my tests and treatment under a grant they have, but I have to be able to get there first. They set up an appointment for me on Tuesday October 28th at 1 PM to give me time to try and find a ride. Jenn's car broke down and I mean DIED broke down (the engine fell out) and Michelle is already going to be in Grand Rapids that week because her son has surgery for his heart murmur. I hope I can get a ride. The treatments can cost thousands of dollars and I don't have tens of dollars. I'm really worried (plus I KNEW something was wrong, I KNEW it, fuck everyone who went all sunshiney and said "oh, don't worry, oh, you're overreacting, oh, you'll be fine" I've spent 27 years with my uterus, I know when it's trying to tell me something).

I don't want to die of cancer. Poo.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (accepted)
My appeal to the Food Stamp gods has been answered and I'm going to be getting $14 a month in food stamps. Woo hoo, that will buy me enough food for the first day of the month. No seriously, I am grateful, don't be pissy at me, I'm glad it's better than nothing, but their reasoning is hilarious. Listen to this guys. I appealed and said that though I am making more money, my take home pay is essentially the same, because my rent has gone from $100 to $300. $300 is still cheaper than the cheapest of the non-rent controlled places in Big Rapids, so it's all I can afford right now or I'd move. But anyway, I said I was making more, but they were taking more in rent, so I don't see any of the extra money and I end up with $10 to buy food for myself every month (I figured and it's even less than the $21 I thought I'd have for food each month). So I get this hilarious letter saying yes, I have to pay rent, but they don't factor utilities or rent in when considering my income and expenses, because utilities and rent are things I CHOOSE to pay, not things I HAVE to pay. O RLY? Let me just tell my landlord I'm choosing not to pay my rent this month. I don't know how in the Sam hell they figure that rent is optional. I guess I could be living in a dumpster rent free, but that doesn't seem feasible. The lady didn't like it when I said that and she said "Ma'am, this is just how we figure things. If your rent goes up it's your responsibility, it has no bearing on our decision whether to continue subsidizing your food expenses." Ok, that's fine, but i still think you're on crack. No, I did not say this, I thought it in my head. Yes, I do think things I don't say. So the upside is I'll have $14 to pay for food each month, which is better than nothing, but since I'm choosing to pay my optional rent every month too, I'm still wavering just this side of having everything crash down on me every month. I'll make it though. I just thought this was funny.

I have to work tonight and it's one of those "we have to stay until everything is done even if we stay until noon god shoot me i wish i was dead" nights. I'm getting better as far as my plague from hell goes, but it still kicks my ass when it comes to breathing and sleeping and not coughing myself to death every night (though I bought a humidifier and it really helps a lot with my breathing and sore throats).

So today is National Coming Out Day (ok, it's not, Saturday is, but today is the day the GLWTFBBQ group on campus is celebrating it because Saturday is a day not a lot of people will be on campus and they want traffic for the event and stuff good GOD my grammar is terrible) so they're going to be out on the Quad (courtyard between all the main buildings on campus) with a wooden "closet" they built, and people can go inside and write on the walls, and then come "out" and they're going to have a gift for each person who comes out as whatever they're coming out as (we have people coming out as bi, gay, queer, lesbian, pansexual, and many other things). It's a cool little concept. I was a hugely brave person and skipped the meeting tonight trying to avoid the issue, but the president of DSAGA happened to be shopping tonight at Meijer and stopped to talk to me about it and ask me if I was going (leave me ALONE GOD) so that avoidance didn't help much. thing is...I don't know what to come out as. I shouldn't care about that, but it matters to me. I'm not really bisexual, because if I'm honest with myself I think guys are physically attractive but I don't enjoy having sex with them except that I enjoy making THEM feel good, but it doesn't do anything for ME the way having sex with a woman does, but I'm not really lesbian either because I'm not opposed to having sex with guys, it just doesn't do anything for me and I have to fake it so they don't get offended. Yeah. Something like that. So none of the stupid labels fit me, and even if they did, I'm afraid to come out at work. There's a girl there who's openly hostile to lesbians and she makes comments all the time about how disgusting they are and we should all just kill them, and she's my ride to work, and she's known for being hostile and driving people out of work if she doesn't like them, so I try not to get on her bad side. It's Jaylynn, I think I told you about her. she can make it hell for people who she doesn't like. And the other people there make nasty comments about gays all the time, too, and yeah, I should stand up and say something and not be a big fat coward head, but I am. I do say things, I say I don't agree and turn the conversation around, but I don't admit who I am (not that I even KNOW who I am) so I feel like a big fat fake face doing some "coming out" thing on the quad when I'm not REALLY out at work or anywhere it might matter.

Now I just made myself feel like shit. Fuck this. I'm a mess. I'm going to pay some optional bills and try to go to optional sleep before I have to wake up for my optional job tonight.
edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
Tuesday was fun. I had an appointment for a girly exam at Planned PArenthood at 10 AM, and when I got there, I let them know I was sick, and they didn't want me coming in if I was sick, so we went 'round and 'round. Seriously, it was a big fight, we nearly came to blows. I said I could come back later, but I didn't have insurance, so there was no guarantee I wouldn't still be sick, they told me to go to the doctor anyway, I told them I went to the free clinic and all they gave me was amoxicillin which does what it always does, covered my symptoms for ten days and then they came back. My voice kept raising, and it wasn't a pretty sight. Finally they called the nurse in charge (this was just the two secretaries) and she told them to let me in, and she examined me and gave me a throat culture (which the doctor who said I had bronchitis, the one who gave me the amoxicillin, never did). After a few hours and checking me out (which technically she's not supposed to do, since she's just supposed to give pap smears, but it was a nice gesture) she said what I had suspected. I have something that's viral (like a really really bad cold) and since it's viral, antibiotics won't do anything but possibly mask the symptoms. Like they did last time. So then we proceeded with the regular pap smear and everything went alright (except I hate it when they suggest that I'm not "relaxed" because I'm uptight about sex. No, I'm uptight about you shoving cold metal shit up my cooch, I'm actually ok with sex and my naked form, I walk around the house naked all the time, and if one more person says "once you have sex more, you won't mind the exam" I'm going to scream. Again, don't mind you seeing my cooch, mind you shoving cold metal shit up it. Understand?)

Anyway shmanyway. Went home and got ready for work that night, and had a fun time. I got in the door, went straight to the cold medicine aisle, grabbed a package and opened it, ready to take some pills, then scanned it at the checkout to pay for it, and all hell broke loose. Apparently, opening something before you buy it, even though it's something I've done thousands of times as a customer, is STEALING OMG when you work there. Would have been nice to know that. I'm paying for it right now, how am I stealing it again? To make matters worse, it was flagged as an at-risk item so I couldn't buy it without my ID (which I never bring to work with me) so it took me ten minutes to work through the ensuing clusterfuck before finally clocking in. they write people up for being a few minutes late now. If I get written up, they're going to catch hell form me, because it's their fault I was late in the first place. So I didn't have cold medicine and was late. It was a great night. I felt like shit.

Even better, when I got home, I tried to sleep and my nose and throat closed up three times which left me waking up unable to breathe. IT happened all the time when I was a kid, but I haven't been this sick since I was about 20, so I forgot how bad it is. My throat panics when I can't breathe and closes up, which makes me even less able to breathe. IT took a menthol cough drop, a double dose of both benedryl AND claritin, and a double dose of cold medicine (which my coworker was so nice to buy me with her ID) before I could sleep for even five hours. I hate being sick. Things continue to be touch and go and I keep hocking up lovely phlegm and my head feels swollen and my glands are swollen and my chest hurts. Ugh. Icky poo. But now that I'm not taking amoxicillin I will admit that I feel different, and I probably should have insisted on a throat culture or something before I let them give me that crap, or argued that I should get a prescription for the generic of Bactrin because that stuff worked with my sinus infections. I dunno. I hope this passes quickly. We're all a bunch of sickies at work, so we keep giving each other shit back and forth and it's not pretty. If I just have one of my infamous colds and I can get a handle on it without antibiotics masking the symptoms and allowing whatever it is to grow worse under the surface, then maybe I'll feel better in two weeks. If not, I'm going back to the free clinic and having a talk with them, not just letting them give me a "you probably have this, here's some amoxicillin" which they did all the time even in the "real" hospital when I was a kid.

*hocks up phlegm*

Yummy.

50 Book Challenge Update

#34: "Water Witch" by Deborah LeBlanc


This was another worthwhile Leisure horror novel. She actually took the time to create a good mystery instead of half-assing it like most horror writers I've seen. I'm impressed. Well worth the read.

In which I rant about food )


So I've been doing a lot of writing for the Halloween horror month at http://www.cinema-crazed.com and I'd like to share my reviews and such with you all in case you want to read them (please do if you have time, and let me know what you think, it would boost my spirits even if you think they suck which I hope you don't).

Lakeview Terrace Review

My Review for the Samuel L. Jackson badass neighbor from hell movie, "Lakeview Terrace"

Silent Night, Deadly Night Review

My review for the campy slasher classic "Silent Night, Deadly Night"

My Review for Silent Night, Deadly Night 2"

Holy shit this movie was bad. I looked forward to it for so long I should have known better, but good LORD. My review is funny though IMHOWISHAAAO (in my humble opinion which is seldom humble and always an opinion)

My Review of "Friday the 13th"

I love this slasher classic. I think I articulated why pretty well. I don't think it gets the respect it deserves for being such a creepy, nasty movie.

My "Friday the 13th Part 2" Review

This movie kind of sucks, but it's fun to watch and mock with friends.

My "Friday the 13th Part 3" Review

This movie blows as well, but I offer reasons for why it blows less than part 2.

My Review for "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter"

I really like this movie in spite of how horrendous it is at times, and I think it's a worthwhile creepy flick to watch ever Halloween season.

My Review for "Friday the 13th: The New Blood"

This movie mostly blows, but I have fun with it anyway.

My Review for "Friday the 13th: Jason Lives"

As a series, given that this is the sixth sequel, it's way better than it has any right to be.


My Review for "Fear of Clowns"

I love independent horror movies, and "Fear of Clowns" is one of my favorites.


My Review for "Haunted Highway"

This is a movie that gives all independent horror movies a bad name. I tried really hard to be funny with this review. Maybe you will like it.


My Review for Ulli Lommel's 1980 Horror Flick "The Boogeyman"

Everything Ulli Lommel touches turns to shit. Read this and find out how bad horror movies can be.


31 Halloween Horrors, my most recent Cinemusings Article

I'm proud of this more than anything else I've written this month. If you don't read anything else, read this. I had a lot of fun with it and I hope you will too.


In the next few weeks, more reviews are to come. It should be a fun time. Check for more updates flooding your Friends List with spooky fun!
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Well, I went to the free clinic today. Turns out I have Bronchitis. Woot. I'm so excited. :-p I got a scrip for Amoxicilin, and the good thing is, I got it filled for free because our Meijer offers free antibiotics (which is hands down the coolest fucking thing ever, seriously, that's so awesome of them to do that for people). I feel pretty woozy but I'm good after taking them. I really hope they knock this shit out. The free clinic worries about me, so they also gave me some food and a gift bag of shaving cream, hair spray, hair gel, tissues, soap, and a comb. I thought it was really cool of them to do that. I just ate some peanut butter that they gave me for lunch. :-p I'm a little less worried about food and money now. Still freaking out about my birthday. It's not too late to prove your friendship and get me a gift.

My Amazon.com Wish List

Cash donations are also appreciated.

I can't sleep and I need to sleep. I work the next 5 days in a row and I have the GLWTFBBQ meeting tonight if I can get some rest.

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edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
edgarallenfrog

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