edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
I'm sorry everyone for my last post.

Thank you, T, for your reply. You helped more than you will know.

I just had...a bad day. I woke up, and today is the day I have to fight with my case worker to try and keep my paltry fucking $14 a month in food stamps, and I didn't have money to buy any food for this week, so I've been making food stretch as best I can, and I'm paying $25 a paycheck for a bill I hope to have paid off soon, and as soon as that is paid up, I'm going to start to pay $25 a paycheck to a friend to pay back the $200 I owe her, and I just saw my life stretching out in front of me with not even enough money to pay for a cab to drive me places, so I've been walking on my aching joints, wincing in pain, and having to listen to "friends" say "Jesus, you never smile, you just stomp by, glaring," and I'm thinking, "you put up with the pain I'm feeling right now, and we'll see if you even have the strength enough to WALK, let alone smile."

It's been a bad week. A bad month. A bad year...couple of years...yeah. I don't have the money next paycheck to get a $10 roll of quarters to wash my clothes, so I'm going to try and wash some things in the sink, and I'm using dishwashing detergent as laundry detergent, and I'm dealing with cramps because I don't have the money to keep buying naproxen sodium to dull the pain all the time (yes, I have tried every, and I mean every, other OTC drug for these cramps. No, nothing works except naproxen sodium) and I'm tired and achy and about ready to fucking stab the next goddamn person who tells me to "be thankful in everything" or "trust in God." You know what someone had the BALLS to say to me the other day? I expressed my whole issue with the email from my former pastor and his wife, and how I was worried about what I should do, what my ministry entails, should I tell people Jesus loves them when I know that horror like this awaits them if they listen to voices other than mine, and I was honest about how I've never felt like God really loved me and I was really going to heaven, and this guy had the CRUST to reply "The bible says that a double minded person is unstable in all his ways. You should get some learning into you so you're not so double-minded and unstable. The Gay Christian Network has lots of resources for you. You should read them."

Ok, fucknugget. First of all, I OWN EVERY GODDAMN BOOK ON THE SUBJECT OF BEING GAY AND CHRISTIAN. THERE IS NOTHING THIS WEBSITE CAN TELL ME THAT I DON'T ALREADY KNOW BECAUSE I READ IT SOMEWHERE ELSE (AND READ IT BETTER, SINCE THAT WEBSITE HAS A BUNCH OF ESSAYS THAT REALLY, TRULY MAKE ME ASHAMED TO BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR...HOLY HELL BAD WRITING BAD EXEGESIS BAD CHRISTIAN). Second of all, even though I have read all these things, amazingly enough , I STILL HAVE QUESTIONS BECAUSE IT'S IRRESPONSIBLE TO JUST ACCEPT EVERYTHING YOU READ YOU FUCKING HALFWIT. Yes, I've gathered that some people believe that you can be gay and be a Christian and some people believe that God blesses same-sex relationships. Yes, this is what I've wanted to believe my entire life. Does this mean I read and then automatically go, "Oh, ok, I believe this now, tra la la, everything is sunshine and rainbows and happycakes"? It better fucking not mean that, or I'm a student not worth her salt. I'd better struggle and pray and consider every side of every decision or I can't say that goddamn decision was a good one, now can I? Yes, sometimes I over think things and I need to put more faith in other people. But do you want to see the scars I have from putting too much trust in other people? I have lots of them, some of them in places you wouldn't want to see (you don't even want me to type it, it would make you uncomfortable, just put it out of your mind). If I believe everything people told me just because there were lots of essays and books on the subject, I'd believe being gay can be changed, because there's lots of essays about THAT, and I read them long before I read the essays on the Gay Christian Network.
Is questioning, wondering, angsting, praying, crying, and deliberating a decision a bad thing for me to do? Somehow I don't think that's what the author of Proverbs had in mind when he told me that a double minded person is unstable in all his ways.

Plus I got "a word from the lord" through a person saying that this time of pain in my life, the lack of money to pay bills, the lack of food, everything that's wrong, is god's way of telling me that I'm heading down the wrong path. If I ignore God, I will end up like Jonah, in the belly of a big fish. I need to turn and repent and set my feet on the right path and blah blah blah homosexual desires blah blah blah.

And you know what? I don't think that's true. Do I? I don't know. Am I just running away from the truth that I know is true? I don't think so. Do I? So I expressed that it's hard for me to just dismiss ideas like that when it's been drilled into my head for so many years that people run from God and they fly into sin and they refuse to admit the truth even though they know the truth, and I see my Christian friends (or rather my former friends) living and thriving and not having the problems I have with money, and YES, I DO doubt sometimes, I DO wonder sometimes if this is all punishment and if they are right and I am wrong. I don't know how I could grow up in an environment where this idea was carved into my soul for years and NOT wonder about it from time to time. But I shared this with a guy, and he said "So you're just going to keep living in blind faith just because that's what you were taught? How weak of you."

OMG WAT? When did I say I was clinging to blind faith? How...what...but...why do you...?

You know what? FUCK YOU PEOPLE. JESUS CHRIST. I CAN'T BELIEVE OR SAY ANYTHING WITHOUT SOMEONE JUMPING UP MY ASS ABOUT IT.

I AM SO DONE. SO. DONE.

So I'm hungry right now (I've been hungry all day; I need to eat something soon, I'm getting woozy) but I need to explain my post (because you guys know me...I don't give up...I wouldn't be here if I did...even when I've drowned, even when I've tried to commit suicide, my body refuses to die, because parts of me keep fighting to live even when my will to live is gone). I'm hungry all day, and I'm cold but afraid to turn on the heat because the bill will be high, and I don't have money for food but I tromped off to the store to redeem a coupon I have for a free frozen meal from Kashi (mmm, pesto pasta) with my joints and legs aching, crying in pain, wishing a bus would just hit me, and I fired off that last post right before I left for my appointment this afternoon. I wasn't looking for sympathy or anything, I was just trying to think of an update for you guys, and giving up was the only thing I could think of at that moment, so it's all I could say. I'm sorry. I don't give up. I kind of want to, though. We'll see what my worker does. I hope I don't lost my $14 a month. She was sympathetic, but she has to follow the rules herself, so her hands are tied. She tried to get me signed up with Medicaid but I make too much money (where "too much money" means "not enough money to actually afford medical treatment for yourself but too much money for us to pay for medical treatment for you").

But I'm ok. Seething with rage and about ready to drop kick everyone off the nearest cliff, maybe, but ok. And contrary to what I MAY HAVE SAID, I'm not giving up.

edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicidal)
WAAAHHH

I want this dress.

*weeps*
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (empty wallet)
Well, all hell broke loose yesterday.

I went to get the mail right before I left for work at 10:20 PM, and there was a letter from the student loan people. They informed me that my $60 a month payments weren't enough for them anymore, so they were taking action to contact my employer and have my wages garnished. I knew this was probably going to happen eventually, but with everything else going on, I was trying not to think about it because I was doing the best I could do. It's all in the 10 page letter they sent, which I did my best to comprehend on little sleep and not much food. They claim I haven't made any action to pay off my loan, which the lady from the collection agency told me they could do, since she said $60 doesn't even cover the interest on the loan (she ordered me to pay $198 a month, but I just can't do that with my budget, I'm barely scraping by as it is, so I told her I was going to pay what I could afford, which was $60 a month, and she went off that "that won't even cover the interest on the loans" and "you're not in a position to dictate repayment to these people, you owe them this amount and they have the right to get it from you no matter what you think you can pay" and "we will bleed you dry until we get it, we can take your tax returns and take everything you own and hold dear, do not attempt to ignore us" and a bunch of other lovely things). I already don't have enough money to buy food every month, and now with this, I don't know how I'll get by. I did the math in my head, and since my rent is going to be raised to about $160 a month, my electric is $115 a month, my phone bill is $50 a month, my gas is $65 a month (and that's with the budget plan on the gas and electric, which means it's less than I used to pay, and that it's the same flat rate all year, even during the summer when I don't use the gas) and now they'll be taking 15% of my income for the loan, that will be another $150 a month, which leaves me less than $30 a month for food, medicine, personal care products, laundry (I haven't done laundry in almost two months because I haven't had the extra $10 out of the paycheck to get a roll of quarters and do the laundry, I've been scrubbing things in the sink, and thus things are looking pretty grubby...) etc. I know that according to Jenn I should have $25 a month for insurance and I should always have $3 to take a cab, but it's just not looking that way. I'm really really afraid right now.

The letter says I have a chance to appeal, but no matter what people say, that isn't as easy as it looks or sounds, and of all the people I know who tried to appeal a decision like this, not one of them has ever won, even my mom, who was making $3000 a year at the time with two kids to support and was on both food and cash assistance, didn't win her appeal. It's the same thing with the SSI claim I filed that people told me "oh, they'll just deny you, but just appeal and blah blah blah." Not only did I lose my appeal, but my friend Michelle (not Aiden's mom) has a degenerative bone disease which makes one of her legs noticeably shorter than the other so she has to limp around everywhere, has documentation from doctors for all of this, had documentation from the SSI doctors themselves saying that yes indeed she was sick, and she lost her claim and her appeal as well. And she even had a lawyer. I'm going to file an appeal anyway and see if they will let me keep paying $60 a month on the grounds that $160 will be too much of an economic hardship for me. I have proof that I made the payments in the past, but that isn't the issue here, even if the court sees fit to acknowledge that I have been paying, they can still decide in favor of the student loan company and deduct the $160 a month from my "disposable income" (my pay after taxes...hey look, I have disposable income, just what I always wanted...wait, that's only "disposable" if I don't want to eat and take showers and do laundry and such) if they determine that $60 wasn't enough for me to pay.

I'm trying very hard. I'm writing again. I wrote 6 pages on one of my novels the other day and it's taking shape a lot better now, I'm working on the other book, I'm trying to get enough sleep, I'm praying and going to church no matter how hard it is for me, I'm trying to eat better (by which I mean actually eat real meals every day, not going three days without eating and then passing out at work because of it) and it may not look to anyone else like I'm trying, but I am. And now this.

wow

May. 30th, 2008 12:34 am
edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
I went to work today and found out that AGAIN they only have me scheduled for 13 hours next week. I can't live on that! They said there are no hours for me, and I've applied other places and I'm worn out from walking so much but I can't find anything. I was upset about that and should have known it would be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Finally at 10 I got out of work today with my friend Michelle, she picked up her son from daycare, and we went to Walmart to pick up a few things. I worked until 10 tonight like I said, and thus I was tired, so we were upset when the lane we were shopping in closed as soon as we stepped into it. I was wearing my shirt that says "Gay? Fine by me." The cashier looked at my shirt and said either "that's disgusting" or "they're disgusting," I'm not sure which. When I asked her what was wrong she simply said she was closed because it was midnight, but after we left her line another guy went through her line and she let him buy his stuff even though she was supposedly closed. I was furious. But hey, nothing else can go wrong, right?

I got home fuming and found this message in my inbox:

___________________________________________________________________________________

You recently referred a number of people to NFO's MySurvey.com. We
routinely audit the referrals of those who refer a number of people
because we are aware of members attempting to refer multiple persons in
the same household or the same person using multiple e-mail and/or
residential addresses.

In addition to violating the Referral Program Rules and/or the Affiliate
Referral Rules, such actions constitute acts of fraud in violation of 18
U.S.C. sec. 1029 in addition to, where applicable, state criminal
statutes. Maximum penalties for first time offenders include ten years
imprisonment and/or substantial fines. Any members engaging in such fraud
will be barred from further access to and/or participation in NFO's
referral programs, will automatically lose all Reward Points, and will be
reported by NFO to the appropriate federal and state authorities for
prosecution.

We know that the vast majority of members who use our referral program do
so with honesty and integrity. However, we are aware of certain
individuals who have violated the above-stated rules and laws and hereby
advise you, in light of the recently high volume of your referrals, of our
commitment to the integrity of our referral programs and our routine audit
of all members who use our referral program.

The MySurvey.com Team


____________________________________________________________________________


Wow. Ok. I was so pissed I fired off this response:

_______________________________________________________________________________

Hey, thanks for insinuating that I steal. I'm going to be taking my business elsewhere, so after I receive my payment for the friends I've referred thus far, you won't have to worry about me anymore. If there was a limit to the number of people I could refer you should have told me or warned me and I wouldn't have been so aggressive in my referrals lately because you would accuse me of fraud. Threatening me is very classy though, so thanks for that. I requested all my friends and co-workers give me their emails and over 100 people responded and I was excited to refer these people to your service. Until I got a threatening email because I'd sent so many referrals that is. I have more people who'd like to join, but your nasty email today makes me hesitant, so I think I'm all set and I think I'm going to go ahead and warn all my friends that MySurvey isn't a nice place with which to do business and leave it at that. Have a nice day.

______________________________________________________________________________


I then cashed in all my points. As far as I know everyone is a real person, though there are a few multiple addresses in there from some people and almost all of my neighbors and coworkers signed up at my house with my computer, so they'll come from the same IP address and I'm probably going to get nailed for that. I don't think they'll really fine me or send me to jail for that, though I might lose all my points that I earned. Jesus fucking Christ. If it was that big a deal, they should have warned me. I never got a warning, not one ever, posted on their site or otherwise, that they'd turn me into federal authorities if they suspected me of trying to defraud them by signing people up for their online survey company. I don't even know how they do the audits either, but I do know I'm too afraid to keep referring people what with the threat of some mysterious audit hanging over my head. Good lord. Never mind then I suppose. Sheesh. I'm actually worried about this because I'm afraid they weren't just bullshitting me and I know Heidi signed up under multiple addresses, for one, and the IP address thing wigs me out too. Oh well. If I go to federal prison that will be fun, right? I was so excited too, because I had over 100 people who wanted to sign up and that would have given me the $300 I needed to save for Florida, but since you can only refer 5 people a day it went really slow, and now this happens. I'm actually let down and it's probably just that it's been a long day and the Walmart thing upset me a lot, plus I've been fired from my job before under false accusations of stealing so I know that even if people don't have proof they can fine and penalize me for things I don't do, and thus being accused of stealing like this is a sensitive subject for me. They can't send me to federal prison for referring three different email addresses that turn out to be the same person, can they? Agh. I thought at most they could take the points away, but this email is really nasty. I'm so upset right now and this...this really really hurts me. ESPECIALLY now after the Walmart incident. Sending three emails to three different email addresses that end up being the same person is perhaps not the most extreme federal crime in the universe, is it? I mean, come on. Ok, I shouldn't have done it, but does it warrant sending the men in black on my ass?

I was so excited about going to Florida. It was stupid of me to be that excited but I was, and I have so little money but I thought I had a good chance of getting more and I'm really discouraged right now, I seriously feel like someone kicked me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. Now I just kind of want to crawl in a cave and die. I'm still gay and repulsive and in a skeezy little small town where skeezy little things like that happen, and I have a job that gives me barely enough hours to pay my bills let alone save for a big move, and I'm a fraud and a thief again, and I just want to be out of this so badly. I hate this bullshit so badly.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Just in case you didn't know, doctors and insurance companies are pure evil straight from hell. Just so you know.

I've been arguing with insurance companies and doctors for two hours now. It was SO much fun. My Plan First (which is health coverage for poor women that simply pays for reproductive services and nothing else because the state doesn't want poor people to breed) didn't ever issue me an insurance card, so I have no information or an ID number to give people when trying to get my thousands of dollars paid for now, and it was always fine with Planned Parenthood that I didn't have an insurance card because they had that information on file so they just billed everything to Plan First, but when they sent the samples out to the lab to be tested, the lab didn't know who to bill, and they've never heard of "Plan First," so instead of writing me and asking me about Plan First, they tried billing Medicaid, which I don't have, then they billed community health in Lansing (which is good, since I live in Big Rapids, it makes sense that I'd have insurance in LANSING) and when they were rejected because no one could ID me as a patient, they sent me threatening letters and bills. Great, go from step one to step 20 without any other recourse. I tried calling and explaining that I don't have an ID card, and the lady said "then you don't have insurance" and I tried to explain that I have insurance, they just neglected to send me an insurance card, she said Plan First doesn't really exist because they'd never heard of it, and I tried giving them the 800 number which is all I have for contacting Plan first, and the nurse was like, "I can't make outgoing calls on this phone." And I was like, "Well can't someone at your office make outgoing calls?" and she snipped "NO." Yeah, I'm sure NO ONE IN THE BUILDING can make outgoing calls. So I thanked her for her time and hung up and called the Plan First 800 number myself and was on hold for 45 million years, and finally I got through to someone and she seemed really snippy at first, but as soon as we got my basic information out of the way she apologized that they never sent me an insurance card and said she'd send one, and when I explained about the medical bill, she listened, filed a complaint about the doctor's office since they weren't willing to work with me or try to call the number themselves (which is their job when they're trying to file a claim, don't ya know) and she's going to send me paperwork to dispute the charges since Plan First does cover those exams. So at least that ONE exam will be covered maybe please we hope...hopefully everything will be straightened out. We'll see about the rest (and we'll see if I'm dying...I hate these exams...nothing more fun than having cold metal forceps jabbed up your twat while someone tells you to relax...then not even knowing if the results say you've got cancer or a number of other unappetizing options until a month later).

Not only that, this test will cost me again, money I don't have. And it's $25...a small amount and I cried for awhile because it's stupid that $25 is an amount I don't have. I'll have exactly $10 after my bills and wage garnishment come out of my next check. That's it. I'm going to sell my body on the street to make extra money.

Everyone who hasn't, please reply to the friend's only post below this one if you want to remain on my friend's list.

Wish me luck. Tomorrow I get to meet with my Senator and then talk with her assistants at 3 PM to tell them why it's important not to let kids bully other kids.

Fuck

Mar. 9th, 2008 01:57 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (empty wallet)
I'm having anxiety about my apartment again. I kept getting letters saying my rent was going to go up and my office manager said not to worry, it was because she hadn't filed the paperwork, but HELLO, that makes me worry because I need you to get off your ass and file it, fucktard. Anyway, Monday is the deadline for my paperwork to be in so I hope she finally files it, or I'm totally fucked and it's not even my fault, it's hers. For all she blames other people for not doing their job, she sure as hell doesn't do her job. She's had 5 months to file my paperwork, and I've had to fill it out 5 times over the course of my living here, and she's never done it. I don't think I should be penalized for her lazy ass, but I'm really worried because their letters to me got angrier and angrier (why haven't you set up your appointment yet???) when I had my appointment months ago and she has all my paperwork, she's just not filing it. Doesn't she realize I'm going to be punished for her laziness if she doesn't file it? Every time I say something, and I've called her over 20 times in the past 3 months, she tells me not to worry but as of last Monday she still hadn't filed it. Hello? Don't worry? You're not the one who's going to get kicked out of your apartment! I'm going in on Monday to have her sign a form, so I'm going to ask her again, but I only have like 15 minutes tops because I'm going in to talk to her before I leave for work at 7:30 so I have to eat really fast and run out the door...All I have to say is she'd better not be a cunt about it and she'd better not get me kicked out of my apartment or I'm going to do something, I shouldn't be penalized for her failure.

My review for my food stamps and plan first ad all that bullshit is on Tuesday March 24, then on the 25 I'm going to go to lobby day and try to get Michelle McManus to care about bullying in Michigan schools. I'm going to have perpetual anxiety for the whole next 2 week period. Fuck.

Spring better be fucking coming, I just nearly broke my ass trying to maneuver heavy groceries in two backpacks (one in back, one in front) over huge snowbanks and ice because the cars ran me off the road when I tried to walk safely there. I'm going to start carrying a gun. I got some groceries but I couldn't carry everything I needed because it's so heavy so I have to go back. I took back bottles and cans to have some extra money but dropped one of the slips in the trek through the snow and couldn't find it so I lost $1.20 and didn't have enough money to buy the migraine medicine I needed...I really wish poverty could be legislated and everyone who thinks people can pull themselves up by their bootstraps could have to be in poverty for at least a year. It's the bitterness talking, I know, but it's very difficult not to think about such things when I'm slipping and sliding and falling through snowbanks trying to balance two backpacks full of groceries without breaking my legs or my eggs and crying because my body aches so bad and worrying I might starve to death if my $162 in food stamps a month are taken away. On the plus side, Acne treatment that costs $24 at K-mart went on sale for $6 so I picked some up, I hope it helps my skin. I hope I have enough migraine medicine to last me. I hope I survive next week at work.

I'm watching "Blue Crush." I like it. I watched "Tears of the Sun" earlier and liked that as well. Not much else to say.

good day

Feb. 23rd, 2008 02:19 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (viva la vie boheme)
50 Book Challenge: #5 "The Vagina Monologues" by Eve Ensler

While some of these are annoying and throwaway and the book reminds me more of how I don't fit in because I'm not like the women in the book, I still couldn't put it down. I started reading it at 12 AM and just finished. Phear me n my mitey readin skilz

I have had the first god day I've had in a long time. Well, scratch that, I had a shitty day, but I had a good night. I chilled at home and took a bath, hung out with my friend Heidi, and read a book while doing laundry. Now my laundry's done and my blankets smell better and I'm feeling pretty good, considering I've wanted to die every second for the past few days (weeks months years). Nothing's changed mind you, all the bad things are still there, and I still hate banks and they still fucked me over royally and I still have no money and debt up the ass and no idea how to not hate myself and I still think Kate Harding needs to back the fuck off the attitude sometimes even though my comment on my friend Dani's post is now approved, but right now I don't care about any of that because I feel good. I did an impromptu fashion show and I like how I look and I'm clean and I smell girly and I read a book and I have food in my belly, and things are ok. Not necessarily in the grand scheme of things, but for this moment. I hope I can get some good quality rest and reading in.

Maybe I shouldn't leave the house ever again. I want this good day to stay that way for as long as possible. Call me selfish..I think I deserve it.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (empty wallet)
My friend Jaclyn wrote this and posted it yesterday. Yeah, it has some typos, but I'm not going to edit it. I'm really proud of her for posting it in the first place. Back when I met her, she was shy and quiet and ashamed of showing her feelings, and I'm really proud of how far she's come, so I wanted to repost it here.

What She Said )

You can discuss if you want...or ignore. It's just I've had a lot of tragedy happen lately, and my friends seem to be having similar experiences, and this made me think of them, and behind the typos I think she's saying some pretty profound things about how our society tells us to hide our emotions and how that can have some horrific results.

I'd like to reassert my irritation that there's no sidewalk between K-Mart and WalMart. I don't want to dig through a snowbank and I have no food in the house. I'm upset and craving chocolate soymilk and pissed off. Fuck you, big Rapids.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (hot guy)
I went to the bank and wrangled with them to give me a copy of my statement (they claimed they couldn't for security reasons...huh wha? But I got it, I went to Staples to fax it (hey, what do you know, it SAYS I PAID MY CABLE BILL IMAGINE THAT. I haven't heard back from Charter but I'm going to be FURIOUS if this doesn't work out. Then I was stressed and pissed, so I wandered over to the Kmart plaza and bought some Lipton Cold Brew (OMG ICE TEA) and then got a brilliant idea to make spaghetti for dinner, since I was near Goodwill and I could see if they had a big pot I could buy for less than $237823782347823478 which is the approximate price Walmart charges. Hello Goodwill, Hello $1 pots, Hello book aisle that caught my attention, Hello NICKEL AND DIMED FOR FIFTY CENTS, hello another Christmas present for Dani brand new for only $1 (I shan't tell you what it is, but I hope you love it as much as I do). I spent money on books that I probably shouldn't have bought, but since I didn't buy the Baby Sitters Club books they had (all two of them, numbers 2 and 11, which I've read 23893892348934289 times each) and the books were cheap, I consider it worth it. I got a Christopher Rice book and "She's Come Undone" by Wally Lamb which I've been wanting to read forever, and of course the aforementioned "Nickel and Dimed" which I've also been meaning to read, and the present. Plus I got my pot, which smelled frightening so I gave it a bleach bath when I got it home, but which I'm excited about since now I can make things that require more than one pan. :-p I searched the stores for Superman Action figures [livejournal.com profile] terminal83 but they don't even have the Justice League ones right now. About a million Batman figures for some reason, and some Batgirl ones too (?????) and of course a million Spiderman ones, but no Superman. My town sucks. I'll just buy you a My Little Pony, ok? There were plenty of those. I'll paint a red "S" on it and tie a cape around its neck. All y'all need to post lists so I know what to get you! [livejournal.com profile] windandsummer I have some things on your wish list for you. If you want to email me your address, I promise I'm not a murderer, just ask [livejournal.com profile] dr_christine, I sent her stuffs too. My email is edwardnortonfan@gmail.com

This is a pointless entry really. I was tempted to buy some mango shampoo and conditioner at the Dollar Store since it smelled heavenly, but I couldn't afford it (well, I had some money, but after the pot and book spree I didn't want to spend any more). I'm rambling now. I'll stop.
edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
In case you missed it this has been a great day: http://malakijr.livejournal.com/367662.html

Now, not only that, but remember my MP# player that broke and I paid to send in and have it fixed and they sent a replacement? The replacement arrived five days ago. IT stopped working today (and I've had 4 days off, so I don't want to hear how tough it is for my player to handle being in my backpack all fucking day, there's been no overt pressure on it, it's been sitting in my living room for five days. and it doesn't work anymore.

All of you, if you ever think of buying a product from Creative Media, rethink your decision and run screaming in the opposite direction.

I'm going to shoot myself in the face.

I Give Up

Oct. 23rd, 2007 05:38 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
You know how when you deposit your paycheck and you have bills due you deposit it on Friday when you get paid, pay your bills online, and expect everything to be straightened out on Monday?

I deposited my paycheck on Friday, paid my bills, and calculated that I'd have some money to repay a friend, so I transfered that money to my savings account. I knew I only had $30 in my bank account, but I figured the transfer and the deposit would go through on Monday and everything would be ok. As of Monday night, my bank account was still showing that I was over $100 negative because my paycheck hadn't gone through yet, but I figured it would all work itself out. Cut to this morning when I get a call saying that I'm going to be charged overdraft fees for the 4 bills I paid and the account transfer and the toilet paper I bought on Saturday. That's 6 separate $30 charges for overdraft fees. At present, I have bitched to the highest levels of authority saying that I had money in the account to pay this, it just hadn't gone through yet, so I shouldn't have been charged the fees, but they're refusing to take the fees off. There goes all my money and any money I was going to use to pay back my friend, and possibly my bank account if I couldn't get this straightened out. This isn't the first time this has happened with this bank, either.

I'm numb right now. I've been so enraged all day that I don't have any emotion left. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Edit: Please do not tell me that I should not have paid bills or bought toilet paper until the check cleared. I have done this before and had no problems, usually when the charges go through the check goes through at the same time and there's no problem, there's only been one time it hasn't worked that way, and they refused to refund the overdraft fees then, too, I just had to eat it even though technically I didn't owe any fees because both the deposit and the charges were all pending and the deposit was more than enough to cover the charges. But I don't have the job I had then where I made $10,000 a year and could handle to have half a paycheck eaten up by fees. I'm so pissed off right now. It seems like nothing can straighten itself out long enough to keep me afloat longer than to take a breath before I'm kicked under again. I hate this.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (viva la vie boheme)
There's nothing like wearing your clothes in the shower because you don't have a washing machine in your house. I love being poor! Poor people get no respect. We don't have money for food, health care, laundry, dental hygeine, eyewear...it's a miracle we aren't dead. But somehow we survive.

In other news, I smell good now. Mmm, Paul Mitchell. *sniffs hair*

In other OTHER news, I'm hungry. What should I eat? Should I make deviled eggs? I bought eggs for this purpose...I kinda want steak though. But I don't want to walk 6 miles round trip to Meijer to buy steak. Hmm...

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edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
edgarallenfrog

May 2009

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