edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
An old man and a young boy are going home from the market with their donkey one day. People passing by see them and ask, "why is no one riding the donkey? Those two are not making use of their resources" Not wanting others to think them wasteful, the old man climbs up on the donkey and the boy continues leading the donkey.

Some people passing by again pity the little child having to walk by himself while the old man rides. They say the old man is lazy. Not wanting to be thought lazy, the old man puts the boy on donkey and he himself does the walking.

After a while, other people saw this, and they were disgusted how the young people nowadays have no respect for their elders, and they feel this is not setting a good example.

Sighing, again fearing the judgment of the passers by, both the old man and the young boy get on the donkey and ride together. After a while, a few other people passing by express their amazement and disgust at how little compassion the old man and the boy have for their donkey, making the animal carry all this weight.


...

This is about where the old man and the young boy turn psycho, pull out some semi-automatics, and start killing people, right?

Maybe that's just what I would do. You can't fucking win, no matter what you do.

meme

Feb. 8th, 2009 10:34 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicidal)
Translating someone's spoken sentiments is often times a daunting & frustrating task.

Especially when you know that person is just blowing smoke.

I have compiled a list of the most commonly-spoken sentiments I've heard over the years, as well as their translations.

Some have been said to me directly. Others have not.

Feel free to comment and add your own.

This is all in good fun, so let's see how many we can come up with...



“I am so over it.”
Translation: “I’m not over it at all.”

“I don’t do hookups.”
Translation: “Your place or mine?”

“I have just been busy lately.”
Translation: “I’m just not that into you.”

“I can’t.”
Translation: “I can. I just refuse to.”

“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now.”
Translation: “I’ll be in a relationship within the next week or two. It just won’t be with you.”

“I’m a top.”
Translation: “I’m a bottom.”

“I just don’t know what I want.”
Translation: “I should be forcibly removed from the dating scene.”

“Fun times.”
Translation: “I lack the intelligence to add anything of value to this conversation.”

“LOL.”
Translation: “I lack the intelligence to add anything of value to this conversation.”

“It’s been over an hour. Why haven’t you responded to my message/friend request/IM/email yet?”
Translation: “I need a hobby. Or several.”

“I’m not a slut.”
Translation: “I’m a slut.”

“I love whatever’s on the radio.”
Translation: “I am one of those colorless conformists from the 1984 Apple Macintosh commercial.”

“I’m such a bitch sometimes.”
Translation: “I’m unpleasant to be around.”

“I just want to be loved for once.”
Translation: “I just want to be loved for the 3,267th time.”

“I did it because God told me to.”
Translation: “I am using God as an excuse to commit felonies.”

“Let’s hang out sometime.”
Translation: “I want to engage in sexual intercourse with you.”

“I tell it how it is.”
Translation: “I am being vicious and mean-spirited, in the name of ‘brutal honesty.’”

“That’s funny.”
Translation: “There was no humor whatsoever in what you just said.”

“Why don’t you call or text me later and we’ll see what’s up, okay?”
Translation: “I need to see if there’s someone more important to make plans with first.”

“I promised myself that I would stop hooking up all the time.”
Translation: “I’ve made another unattainable goal which will be overcome by my libido within two weeks.”

“I’m mature for my age.”
Translation: “I am still my age.”

“I always practice safe sex.”
Translation: “Those condoms in my drawer were purchased in 1991.”

“It’s not what you think!”
Translation: “It’s exactly what you think!”

“You’re such a film snob!”
Translation: “I can’t believe you hated that film! Even though it was the cinematic equivalent of bathing in cat urine.”

“All you think about is sex!”
Translation: “I’m a prude.”

“Older looking for younger.”
Translation: “Those damn age of consent laws!”

“I am completely over my ex.”
Translation: “We’re still dating.”

“BRB”
Translation: “I am closing your chat window because I’ve lost interest in talking.”

“You’re just jealous because I wear *insert clothing brand name here* and you don’t.”
Translation: “You’re just jealous of my need to compensate for my complete lack of self-esteem by wearing clothes I can’t afford without going into debt.”

“I like him for his personality, not his looks.”
Translation: “I’m blowing smoke. If he wasn’t at least somewhat attractive, I’d be long gone.”

“I am so drunk right now!”
Translation: “I have this poorly-conceived delusion that the ‘underage drunk’ act is both cute and refreshing.”

“I have to catch up on my celebrity news...”
Translation: “...to steer my attention away from my own hollow existence.”

“I’m so down-to-earth.”
Translation: “I can’t hear you from all the way up here in the clouds.”

“So what do you do at your bank job? Count money?”
Translation: “I am clueless.”

“I’ve really changed.”
Translation: “If I tell that to myself enough times, maybe I’ll start believing it.”

“You just hate that show/song/movie because everyone else likes it!”
Translation: “How dare you have a mind of your own!”

“J/k”
Translation: “I was being serious, but your negative reaction prompted me to change my tune.”

"In my humble opinion"
Translation: "In my humble opinion, which is seldom humble and always an opinion..."
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (viva la vie boheme)
So I have a manager at work who's really nice to everyone and nice to customers, but I've discovered two things after working with him for a month or so.

1. He's gay
2. He has anxiety almost as bad as mine

I've been trying to get him to go to the GLWTFBBQ meeting with me for weeks, but he's afraid of people and he keeps turning me down, meanwhile everyone at work mocks him and makes nasty homophobic comments (to me, which I find hilarious) behind the manager's back (even the other managers) and I'm trying to deflate the situation (which usually works) but I feel bad for Aaron. I want him to get out of the house and meet people and be safe, which is something he doesn't have right now. GRRARGH. But anyway, we're also planning the Christmas party together, so he and I went shopping last night for gifts for each member of the staff for the Christmas party. We also bought little elf hats with bells on them at the dollar store for each gift instead of wrapping paper or a gift bag, and we bought a little tree with lights for the night of the party, and we had about $35 left out of the $100 we originally had (I am the shopping queen), so we'll see about cooking food as we get closer to the 14th (the date of the party). And I'll keep working on getting him to come to the meetings as time goes by. We'll see. As it is, my friend Jen came over tonight (and she'll be back after she drops her boyfriend off at work) and she's bi, and she's interested in coming to the meetings too, so we'll see if she comes to the last meeting of the semester next week. Seriously, I make myself go every week and I cry and freak out and panic and throw up, but I keep going because these meetings are the best thing that happened to me this year. They give me a reason to leave the house and a place to go. It's really hard sometimes. I don't know if I can even put it into words. This week I found out like the day before or something that at the meeting there was going to be someone talking about GOD and CHURCH (O NOEZ) and I was TERRIFIED of hearing that again, so I convinced myself not to go, but then when I was telling Aaron why he should go that reminded me why I go every week, so I made myself go, and it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it might be. The lady who spoke was really honest and nice and down to earth, and she was from the Episcopal church (had they mentioned that in the email I would have been less terrified) so it was really good. And on Friday I even went caroling with everyone and that was scary and there were a lot of moments when I even cried because I was freaking out, but I went. And one of the girls who came caroling remembered the fudge I brought to the Wednesday night meeting and she went on and on about how good it was and how I was a good cook, and that made me feel good in ways I can't describe. every day it's something new, right? I'm making myself get out there. And on Wednesday I cried through the meeting I was so upset and then I went home and couldn't sit still or sleep or stop freaking out so I cut myself, and it was bad, and I felt TONS better afterward and that was even worse because it reminds me anew how screwed up I am (IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL GOOD TO CUT YOURSELF FREEEEEK). But Friday and afterward shopping with Aaron and even today hanging out with Jen...it's giving me something to do and giving me a purpose and a reason to keep going and even though I have a lot to despair about I see little reasons to keep going and for me that means more than some blood and torn tissue, so I try to remember that.

I got so cold in my apartment that finally I caved and signed up for a payment plan at the energy company so I could turn my heat on. I couldn't take the cold anymore. It's going to be $27 a month and I know that's not much but it's a lot for me, and I'm scared about it, but I'll make ends meet somehow. I caved and did more shopping for some food today...I'm planning on making some stuffed pasta shells for dinner later in the week, and since ricotta cheese will made me die, I bought soft tofu instead (it was the same price). I'm afraid. But I'm willing to try it (at least I won't die). Jen and I made vegan fudge tonight (OMGZ @ TEH IDEA SUCH A THING EXISTS) and she really loves it and says it's good but I don't like it. It just tastes...weird. I like my unhealthy un-animal friendly fudge better methinks. Tonight I'm thawing sausage to make my world-famous jambalaya. I also bought some dollar store decor essentials that necessitate me making another ungodly long picture post (depending on the shenanigans tonight with me and Jen there may be another picture post soon).

PHEAR ME N MY MITEY DEKORATIN SKIZZLES )
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (accepted)
Proof of Life: http://whedonesque.com/comments/13271

Everybody should read that. The article is very thoughtful and well-written, and I know I've been ranting and raving all day, but I seriously think especially the women who read my journal should read this article. It's a tad self-righteous and I'm leery of his comment about countries where "women are wearing burkahs" because that's a pretty broad brush to paint with when there are MANY different facets to the issue of why women in some countries dress that way, but all quibbles aside, Joss Whedon makes some good points that go WAY beyond the movie "Captivity." I haven't even seen that movie, and it might be a total piece of shit. But if I went to see it, it would be because I want to compare it to my own experiences and those of others, compare it to other films, and see if I can find some worth there. I'm not stupid (contrary to popular belief) and I understand what the word "Exploitation" means, but I'm a firm believer that despite what filmmakers may have intended, sometimes their work can have value beyond what they intended. Sometimes if a movie is made for no reason other than to cash in and make a quick buck, there can be some nuance, some capturing of the human experience, that helps me better understand myself and others. Sometimes. I find it everywhere, from "My Dog Skip" to "House on the Edge of the Park." People are human, and thus their humanity rubs off on everything they get their grubby little hands on, even if they didn't intend for it to have any value sometimes it does. I was tortured. I know how I reacted. I never got to see the look on my face, though. But I got to see the look on other people's faces, and at that moment I was sharing something with them that connected us, and it's a flicker of humanity I try to cling to even when I've lost hope in the lot of us. So I watch my movies, and some of them are pure garbage and some of them contain more than a little bit of brilliance, and I think I have a right to look for that, even if other people don't want to look for themselves, ok? Even Joss Whedon got a realization about women he might not have been able to express if it weren't for that movie "Captivity" and I'm glad he saw it, so he could share it with us. Maybe for him it wasn't worth it, maybe the filmmakers never intended for it to be there, but I'm glad he saw it. And I'm glad I have the chance to see it, too. You all feel free to remind me of this rant if I ever come in here complaining about what a piece of shit "Captivity" wasn :-p

But seriously, read this article, ok?
edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
Everyone Read This!!!! )

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