edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
Ok, I have enough real drama going on right now that I don't need YOUR drama on my friends list, [livejournal.com profile] gummibarengirl. For those of you who are members of [livejournal.com profile] itscalledpride, you'll note her post about the Katy Perry song "I Kissed a Girl."

Text of the post for those not in the group )

So here's my response (and please don't troll or start drama, I didn't post this to start drama, I did it because I'm tired of defending myself for everything I do in my life, and liking a pop song is last on my list of battles I want to fight today). Yeah, I get it, people hate the song, the song reinforces a lot of stereotypes, it uses some offensive language, and it makes me roll my eyes. Yeah, it says some things that make me want to smack the narrator in the face. I'll list these below:

1. "You're my experimental game"

Wow, that's a good way to treat people. I can see why this pisses people off. But really, a lot of people who mack on other people in bars treat people this way, don't they? I mean, the thing is, it's wrong to use people for your own sexual or sensual pleasure, but people do it all the time. I'm no Cindy Crawford (or Kristin Stewart, to use a pop-culture reference that makes me sound less eighty) and I get felt up by guys when I dance at the bars in Big Rapids. It happens. The difference is here, the narrator of the song is a girl using another girl as an experimental game, and suddenly people are all pissed at her because, gasp, she's reinforcing negative stereotypes and people are going to listen to this song and suddenly think bisexuals don't exist because they're all totally faking and they only make out with people of the same sex for attention. Well you know what? LET PEOPLE THINK THAT. This is ONE person talking in ONE song about how she kissed a girl and liked it, she shouldn't have to carry the weight of everyone else's assumptions about sexuality. Lighten the fuck up, people.

2. "Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent"

Yeah, this is really stupid. First of all, don't begin a sentence with the word "us" unless you're using some kind of "us against them" quote, because us all sound like hillbillies when we do that. FURTHERMORE, not all girls have red lips, "magical" is an insanely stupid word choice, and kissing girls is not "innocent" for everyone, some of us want to fuck the brains out of other girls, not just kiss them. Ok? Sure. This song makes some stupid assumptions, but again, it's one girl's experience, so I can take it in stride because it's one girl's opinion of what she feels and thinks. So she's wrong. Let her be wrong.

So I listed some reasons why I get how people hate the song, right? Well you know what? Besides having fun dancing to a mindless, catchy song, there is one big reason why I LIKE the song:

"No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental game
Just human nature,
It's not what,
Good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey"

So I quoted that earlier and said why I don't like it, right? Well do you see why I MIGHT like it? Nestled in there, right in the middle, it says this attraction or acting on this attraction is "Just human nature." Now to me, I can see how it's just human nature to use someone else at a bar for sensual/sexual fun, and yeah, that's not the best thing. But you know what? In a world where people still want to off themselves because they have same-sex attractions, I just can't help but like a song that says same-sex attraction is just human nature. I'm sorry if you don't like that, it's true. The more we get around to normalizing that, the more we get to thinking "hey, this might be a not-so-evil thing," the better I feel. I get why the song pisses people off. This singer is making a statement and trying to get attention, this reinforces the idea that girls pretend to be bisexual to get attention. She uses another girl as an experimental game and not as a person, and REAL same-sex attraction is about more than just physical stuff and feeling all woozy when you press your lips against some hot girl's lips. The singer says "it's not what good girls do" and "it felt so wrong" which reinforce the idea that same-sex attraction is not good and it is wrong. The singer says "don't mean I'm in love tonight" which reinforces the idea that same-sex attraction is all a "game" and it's not real, with real feelings and even love behind it. Yeah, I get all that.

I STILL DON'T CARE. I like the song because it's catchy. I like to dance to it. It's fun. Plus...who died and made you God? Where do you get off telling other people they don't have the right to exist? Some people do experiment with same-sex attraction just for fun. While I dislike this practice because people aren't recreational vehicles and shouldn't be treated as such, I'm not the judge and jury over anyone else's behavior. I fully support two girls and two guys if they want to kiss. It's hot. Let the kissing ensue. As for you, [livejournal.com profile] gummibarengirl, I'm pissed that you'd tell me I like the song because I don't think critically about it. Excuse me? I think too much about EVERYTHING. It's what I do for fun. Ask my friends. And what in sam hell gave you the idea that it's ok to assume that people who like a song do so because they don't think critically? How arrogant is that? Maybe YOU didn't think critically enough about the song, did that ever occur to you? Maybe the narrator of the song says "it's not what good girls do" because that's what she's been told her whole life. Maybe she says "ain't no big deal it's innocent" so her boyfriend won't get pissed off when he finds out she kissed a girl (not all guys think this is hot...a lot of them say it's hot, but when confronted with the idea that their girlfriend is kissing another girl, they tend to get pissed, especially when she is enjoying it more than she does kissing them...TMI, I know, but it DOES happen). Maybe people DO make out with people of the same sex just for fun sometimes, and maybe that's ok, and if it's not ok, maybe it's not your place to judge them for what they do. We all use other people for various reasons. It's not right, but we all do it sometimes, in little ways and big ways. You know who else reinforces the idea that bisexuals don't really exist? Bisexuals who are in opposite-sex relationships. Seriously, think about it. They SAY they're attracted to both sexes, but there they are, with someone of the opposite sex, so they're just faking, right? They just want attention and two girls kissing turns guys on, so it's the best way to get a man, right? And two guys kissing turns a lot of girls on, so guys do it just to get a girl? Right? Or those damn lying "bisexuals" in same-sex relationships. They SAY they're attracted to both sexes, but there they are, in a same-sex relationship. What a bunch of liars. They're really all gay, and they just SAY they're bisexual to ease themselves into the idea of being gay before they can really accept it. How fucking stupid do I sound right now? I assure you, these are stereotypes held by a lot of people. A lot of people see people who identify as bisexual in an opposite-sex relationship, and they think "that person isn't really bisexual." In fact, all the bisexuals I know currently are in opposite-sex relationships. Does that mean they're not really bisexual or that bisexuality doesn't really exist? No, brain king, it means they are BIsexual and thus able to be attracted to both sexes. I myself have a strong aesthetic attraction to cock. SRSLY. Ask my friends on LJ who have had to suffer through my naked man posts over the years. Seeing naked men turns me on. Imagine my disappointment when I had SEX with them only to find myself twiddling my thumbs and composing grocery lists in my head during sex. I figured sex just wasn't that great a thing and it was something I would never like and it didn't live up to the hype until purely by chance I had sex with a girl and went "...oh." I was using her as an experimental game at first, I didn't think anything would happen...and suddenly, a LOT happened. Things clicked. It's not right to use other human beings as a means to your own enlightenment, and I'm ashamed to admit that I did this to someone else, but...it happens. She was using me, too, and I got burned pretty badly, but it was still a good thing because good things came out of it (chiefly I learned not to judge other people too harshly for using other people, because fuck, we all do it to some extent).

All of this is deep personal stuff, and it all goes through my mind in a fleeting instant when I hear this catchy, annoying little song "I Kissed a Girl." I really don't care if Katy Perry just wrote it for attention and doesn't mean anything good by it, because whatever she meant, the song HAS done good, at least for me, and maybe for other people too. It lets us have fun, first and foremost (because OMG it's just a song lighten the fuck up and dance) and second, it helps me not feel like the biggest tool in the world because it reminds me of a time when I kissed a girl just as an experimental game and hey, I found out that I like kissing girls a lot and OMG PERSONAL REVELATION. For some women, it might just remind them of a time they kissed a girl and it ended up just being a one time thing, and you know what? That's ok, too. I hereby grant them the right to exist (because I TOTALLY have the power to grant people the right to exist and I'm NOT just an arrogant toolbag for thinking that). And the song might also encourage some girls to kiss other girls (which I fully support because OMG HOTT) and some guys to kiss guys (which I also fully support because OMG HOTT I love penis as long as it's not fucking me) and MAYBE the song will help some people chillax a little and think, "hey, this isn't such a big deal, maybe people who do this aren't going to burn in hell." And THAT'S the best thing of all. Whether you like it or not, we still live in a society where churches make signs that say "I kissed a girl and I liked it, then I went to hell." This is a sad thing, but it's true. Again I say, bring on all the girl-on-girl kissing if it alleviates this even a tiny bit, or if it can get the idea into people's heads that kissing someone of the same sex is ok.

So I LIKE the song. And I think about stuff all the time, too. So there.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
Ways to know Lillian is slowly going off the deep end: She starts quoting Nickelback.

Things you need to remind me:

1. That murder is still illegal.

2. That it is impossible to stab people in the face over the internet.

3. That the internet is just the internet, that it is not "real," and that people tend to be jerkoffs on the internet because anonymity breeds confidence. They probably aren't this way in real life, and if they are, they live far, far away from you, so you don't have to see them ever and you shouldn't go in the closet and slit your wrists because of the things they say to you on said internet.

4. That sometimes people don't respond to posts or comments or emails or voicemails or letters because they're busy. This does not mean that they hate you or think you are an idiot who's not worth their time. We all have lives. This does not mean you are not smart or important. You have real friends who really care about you even if you don't hear from them, and you know that, so stop worrying about it every time they don't talk to you. The internet is not real time (see above).

5. That just because you got bad test results that the doctors will "discuss with you on March 27th" this does not mean you are going to die. Even if you have to fight off doctors with a baseball bat (with a brick and a bible and a knife and an axe and a sack of doorknobs taped to it) to get them to let you have a hysterectomy, you can do this. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for (hell, it's not like you haven't been fighting your whole life...in comparison, convincing a conservative backwoods dumbfuck doctor that you're not going to change your mind and decide you want babies "so please don't let the cancer kill me, kthx" isn't going to be that hard).

6. That you have enough drama going on with said cancer, and with your coworkers, and with your God and death and gay and church struggles (and with people who throw rocks at you or say that you have a demon of homosexuality and shouldn't be allowed near children when you walk into Kmart) that you don't need to let fake not real internet drama infect your life.

7. That even though you have to go to the free Christian infested clinic this Wednesday and hear them say that you are a baby killer because you want a hysterectomy, and you are a drug addict because you want Xanax (no, those panic attacks are totally normal for SOMEONE LIKE YOU, you probably just have generalized anxiety, and if I gave you a pill, that would just teach you that pills work, and as an addict, you know that's not a good idea NO I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP HE SRSLY SAID THIS TO ME) somehow, you will at least get meds for your migraines, and you can plug your ears and go "lalalalala" and pretend the rest of what he says doesn't exist, and maybe you might even get some real help (let's not go nuts or anything) and if they give you a bible and say "you need to read this" with a stern face, you can smile and respond "thank you" not fling it back in their faces and say "I already have four at home plus the one you gave me LAST TIME you said this to me, plus I have the book of Romans memorized so I'm WAY Christianer than you so there." Doing that will not help. You can make it through without killing anyone, plus murder is a bad idea for many reasons (see #1). You will survive. You always do.

8. That rocking back and forth and listening to FFH and Jars of Clay on your MP3 player is an acceptable way to deal with stress if it keeps you from sitting in the closet and slitting your wrists. We'll worry about whether you're really allowed to sing those songs later (since you've been evil and bad and wrong and beyond God's help since you were four, so you're not really saved, and you're just kidding yourself anyway). Just sing. Just dance. Don't worry about those people who look at you weird while you're walking to the store or to work, dancing and singing and raising your hands. They don't know you, they haven't been through what you've been through, they aren't where you are, and they have their own shit that they deal with in your own way. You take care of you. Let them worry about them.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (empty wallet)
So I said something about Black Friday at work and someone asked if I was being racist.


I work with really smart people.

Anyway, my Thanksgiving was good. As I mentioned in my last post I worked all night, I made my own meatloaf (it cooked in the slow cooker while I worked all night) and then I came home to stuff my face. Today after work I bought a half priced pumpkin pie from the bakery at Meijer and also bought a huge carton of cool whip, and I plan to eat it later while chilling all day. I totally needed something sweet and I didn't have any desert yesterday. It's my first day off in a week. I'm pumped because I just had my first "Black Friday" shopping experience ever (and yes, I am racist...it's not "African American" Friday in my house). It was crazy but not as bad as I expected. I feel a weird fierce loyalty to Kmart because I live in an apartment behind their store and so I walked there for their sale, and I waited in line. this was freezing cold, but actually not as bad as it sounds. I'm a freak, so I actually like waiting in line, because I like chatting with people. we were all bleary eyed and chatty and the staff of the store had made coffee for us, so that was a nice gesture. It was actually kind of fun, and seeing people pile into the store made me feel good because KMart is always on the brink of bankruptcy so it was nice to know they were making some sales (I told you, me and KMart, we're close). While I didn't get the doorbuster item I was mainly looking for ($10 MP3 Player, on sale from $40, and believe me, when they call it a "doorbuster" they fucking mean it, you have to bust the door down to be able to nab the damn thing) I did get 2 awesomely cool $5 barbie dolls for my "Angel Tree" kid from church. For those who don't know what my hip cool slang means, an "Angel Tree" kid is a poor kid whose parents fill out a slip of paper asking for gifts so they can give the kid a Christmas...I'm all about that...once the paper is filled out, the parents tie the paper to a tree somewhere, maybe the Walmart or Kmart entryway (not the Meijer entryway, because we are heartless and don't care to help poor children) but anyway, my church hosts an Angel Tree too, so I grabbed a name right away, and this girl and I are in sync. She loves Barbies and Hannah Montana, and she loves the color pink...yes, I realize I just admitted to liking Hannah Montana. Yes I am secretly twelve years old. Yes, I am comfortable with this. I also happened to notice in my shopping the "When a Stranger Calls" remake on sale for $3.99, so I nabbed that too. I know a lot of people hate that movie, but I liked it, so I'm pretty happy that I got it for cheap and I can watch it any time I want. Plus I managed to order my MP3 player online, so I got that, too. Yes, I NEED another MP3 player. Yes this was a good use of my money. It IS TOO, shut up, what are you, my MOM? Ok, while I may not NEED it, this MP3 player is better than mine; this one is rechargeable and it holds 2 gig of data, so it was a good deal and I'm pumped (plus it's all cute and pink...yes, I have issues, we know this). All in all a good start to what I hope is a good day. This is my Thanksgiving.

edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
I've been holding this in for a month or better, trying to find the words to say it, and when I found myself wanting to gut some stupid blogger tonight, I realized it was time. I have a lot of anger in me, and generally writing brings this to the surface.

It's 6 pages long and it's angry. If you're going to give me advice or tell me I did something wrong, then please don't read it. Someone said once that I try to control the way people comment in my journal and I can't expect people to only agree with me, but I don't. See, it's my journal, and the promise of a listening ear or a reader out there is what keeps me writing in it. Otherwise I could keep this saved on my computer and never post it. I considered doing that, but having a reader means more simply because it's the promise of another person seeing what I have to say. And I never said everyone has to agree with me, so that's bullshit. All I ask is that you not say "What you should do is..." because that sends me into stabby fits of rage. If you want to say "I did this, and it helped" that's different. How can't you see that? It's MY journal, you have your own journal and I don't always agree with what you say, most likely, but I don't tromp into every opinion you have and say "You should have done this" or "You're wrong, this movie was good, I have scientific proof" so I don't see why it's such a strange request to ask that you do me the same courtesy.

Longer than the Song that Doesn't End )

Also, this. I heard this guy sing at West Michigan Pride 2008 and this song mesmerized me. Not only does he sample one of my favorite 80s power ballads (that always made me cry ANYWAY) but he mixes in his own lyrics that hit me harder every time I hear them:

We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
no promises, no demands
love is a battlefield

We are strong
No one can tell us we're wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
None of us knowing
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

When you're livin' in a world that's only full of hate
when the only word you've heard is 'discriminate'
you know the love that we're givin' that we're tryin to spread
is wasted on a world that wishes we were dead

We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
no promises, no demands
love is a battlefield

We are strong
No one can tell us we're wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
None of us knowing
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

No one ever asked me, no one ever dared
no one even tried 'cause no one ever cared
everyone just said that I would not be there
but I am here to tell you that I won't be scared

I'm not what you want
I'm not a child
I'm a man

'Cause love is a battlefield

I will not be afraid
I will NOT fall back
I will stand

Love is a battlefield

We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
no promises, no demands
'Cause love is a battlefield
We are strong
No one can tell us we're wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
None of us knowing
ALL of us kn owing
Love is a battlefield

If it's not too much trouble, go here and check out the video (and hear my loud ass cheering at the end) and then give him some high ratings...because hell, he's trying to do something good and reach people with his music. We could use some good.

edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (music obsession)
[livejournal.com profile] pewter_wings, you especially will like this. I decided to study Tich Naht Hanh, are you happy? :-p But these are really beautiful, and one of the most important people in my life, my friend Dave, recorded them. He's nervous about sharing them, but I've been listening to them all night and right now they're the only thing keeping me holding on.

Powered by

The first and the last (the aloha and the omega, she said pretentiously) are my favorites. Actually, I'm an ass, I dunno if they come up as the first and the last in this little player, I just know that's the way they are on his page. Well, um..."Today is the Only Day" and "That is Enough" are my favorites.


I'm cold, you guys. In the state I'm in right now, if that cunt screams at me in front of a customer tomorrow I'll rip her throat out. Send me good thoughts and toilet paper wishes if you would. I'm really not doing so well.
edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
In case you missed it this has been a great day: http://malakijr.livejournal.com/367662.html

Now, not only that, but remember my MP# player that broke and I paid to send in and have it fixed and they sent a replacement? The replacement arrived five days ago. IT stopped working today (and I've had 4 days off, so I don't want to hear how tough it is for my player to handle being in my backpack all fucking day, there's been no overt pressure on it, it's been sitting in my living room for five days. and it doesn't work anymore.

All of you, if you ever think of buying a product from Creative Media, rethink your decision and run screaming in the opposite direction.

I'm going to shoot myself in the face.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (music obsession)
No one did my last one, though, so I don't have any high hopes.

Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly (No lyric hunting! That is cheating!)



Oct. 3rd, 2007 02:39 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (lickable)
Things I love:

1. Arby's. Yes folks, even though there are suck ass times there it's still better than McDonald's by several orders of magnitude. And when we get tested on our service and get a 100% on our service times, everyone working gets to split $100, so I got $15 from them and just got it.

2. K-mart. Know why? I was wandering around, thinking maybe I could find a cheap horror movie to buy and watch and cheer me up when suddenly on the clearance rack - HELLO $7 MP3 PLAYER ZOMG! It's a 512 MB so it only holds about 100 songs and there's no screen and it requires batteries so I'll spend a lot on those, but HELLO $7 MP3 PLAYER ZOMG. I moved some songs over to it and viola, I shall have music tomorrow and every day until they fix my player, and if they never fix it, I shall still have music. I went to pay for it and the cashier said "Do you want to purchase a year warranty replacement plan for $2.99" hee hee hee. Sure, why not? If it breaks down I'm totally sending nasty email when I cash in the plan complaining about how expensive the player was. :D

3. The K-Cafe in K-mart, where I can get the best polish sausage in the world (I've never tasted better and I've been all over) and TWO SOFT TACOS AND A MEDIUM DRINK FOR $1.99. Cheez-its rice, that's a good deal. Yay for music and food and money.


Aug. 16th, 2007 05:22 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicide)
Listen here, body, you JUST had a migraine YESTERDAY, you are NOT allowed to have one today, especially when I haven't eaten any of the foods I ate yesterday in anticipation of you having some kind of food allergy. Stop this behavior right now, it's childish and I don't like walking to the kitchen not able to see because you make my vision all blurry. I need that.

I can has presents? )

Rice milk is really good, I love the taste and I HATE the taste of soy milk, so this makes my transition away from dairy a lot easier. I'm sad though, because I LOVE my dairy, especially my cheese, but I don't like how it makes my throat burn and swell when I eat it. I don't know how I'll be able to give up cheese, though. Sigh. But Rice Milk is good. I have decided this, and it is true because I said so. And I'm glad, because I was frantic because like I said, I hate soymilk and I tried some lactose free milk and it was the most vile, disgusting garbage I've ever tasted. Seriously, people DRINK that shit? WILLINGLY? Ew.

DAMMIT head. What did I JUST say?

edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
Ok, this is bullshit. Just because you think you're supposed to be making babies does not give you the right to double me over in pain while I'm trying to walk to work, fucking uterus. Jesus Christ. I thought I was going to die today, and I'm not exaggerating, it felt like someone lit a blowtorch in my lower abdomen and I had to drag myself the 3 miles to work and the 3 miles back. I OD'd on so much pain medication I almost threw up, but it didn't help. Plus, I didn't even have music to distract me, so I was crying in pain and wanting to stab something (preferably my own face). FUCK THIS. I'm giving myself a hysterectomy with a steak knife. Hear that, Uterus? You're DONE, bitch.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Further proof that God hates me: I was on drive thru today and had such bad cramps that I had to rush over and grab pain medicine out of my bag, leaving it unzipped when I put everything back in. As I got ready and left, I discovered that my iPod had been stolen. And yes, people, I did empty out every tiny pocket in my bag, even the ones it couldn't possibly be in, and look everywhere and check the lost and found for the gas station in case it fell on the floor under the table at work and someone turned it in. Gone.



The only thing keeping me from killing myself and everyone else on my way to and from work is that iPod. I need that music like I need air. It never occurred to me that anyone would steal it out of my bag at work even if they saw it, my cellphone and money were still in my purse, just the iPod was gone.

Ok, I'm ready. What the fuck else could go wrong this year? Are you kidding me? GOD. DAMN. IT.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry now, I can't see the screen through the tears anymore.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Pointless )


Jul. 27th, 2007 05:03 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (music obsession)
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (lickable)
Picture of my Pussy )

And check out my song, posted here. In fact, click and check out whatever I post here for you! You don't have to like it, just give it your attention for a bit (you might be surprised at the entertaining things I can dig up on the internet and you might find some music or movies to check out...if nothing else, you'll waste precious moments of your day when you could have been doing laundry or studying! Isn't procrastinating fun?!)


Jul. 11th, 2007 05:28 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (other hot guy)
I hate everyone.

edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Oooh, Purty )

I'm going to try to get this song out of my head now. I should have known better than to listen to it in the first place.

Wait...now I'm listening to it again...powerless...to...stop...music...



Apr. 25th, 2007 06:33 pm
edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
I miss college )

You know why I miss college? I had friends. And we'd stay up all night and talk to each other, and we cared about each other. I spent my whole college years complaining about being there, but now that I've graduated, I realize how much I missed. I could have had a lot more fun and a lot more parties and a lot more of everything if I'd known then what I know now.

But such is life, right? I'm tired of waiting for everything to work out or everything to be perfect, I'm tired of spending an hour explaining how I feel only to have someone tell me I'm blowing things out of proportion or it's my fault or fighting about insignificant details of the story I'm telling when the POINT is "I was embarrassed, I felt left out, I left because of that," that's the point, not whether most people eat in their cars at A&W and I'm just weird. That's as bad as the week long fight I had with one of my friends about whether the word "pepperoni" is an adjective. I can't have normal conversations, we end up veering off track and fighting about stupid shit and nothing gets resolved, and I'm left missing the days when I had friends.

I mean, I never had friends like you, who cared as much about me ad you do about your friend dude. You're a really good friend to her, but you're a sucky friend to me. You hardly say one word to me even when I'm trying to talk to you for an hour and using every subject I can think of to get you to acknowledge me. She tells me you're a good friend, but the trugh is you're a good friend to her and kind of a jerk to me, and I'm tired of all the weight of communication being on my shoulders. I'm the one who calls you, I'm the one who sends you emails (that you don't reply to) I'm the one who sends you messages, I'm the one who spends an hour talking to you while you lapse into silence and don't talk to me. YOU said you want to be my friend, YOU said you don't just want sex, but the thing is, you were the one who wanted to have sex with me in the first place and you don't want to now, but the only time you'd actually TALK to me is when we had sex, now you treat me like I'm an inconvenience, and I don't see how you ever got ANY friends (even one) with that attitude. Is a friendship with me even a tiny bit important to you? Because you don't act like it is. I'm tired of being the only one putting in effort here. It's not fair, and I'd never expect that from you.

I'm tired of talking to you only to have you tell me I'm angry when I'm not, tell me I'm wrong when I'm telling you HOW I FEEL, ignoring me unless you have something to say about what you think I'm doing wrong and then wondering why I get upset. You're a fucking crappy friend, and you were nicer than this to me before, and I don't know what happened. Were you only nice to me because you wanted to have sex with me then? Because I would have anyway, you didn't have to pretend to like me or pretend to be nice to get that, and now you say you don't want it, so I don't know what you were thinking in the first place. And I can't tell you any of this, because you tell me you won't respond if you think I'm angry "as a rule" and you tell me it's not your fault that you don't understand other people's feelings, which is bullshit. If you spend time listening to people (really listening) you will grow more empathetic, you con't help it. It's something that naturally happens as you listen and care about others. You don't want to do that. It's hard and uncomfortable sometimes, and it means you have to step outside your shell and forget about yourself for awhile and listen...this is all stuff you don't want to do. You have your one friend, and you want that, you don't want anyone else. But you told me you did, so you lied. And I'm tired of this.


Apr. 18th, 2007 04:17 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (inspiration)
Following my recent post of misheard FOB lyrics, I found this on Youtube and I can't stop laughing. AAAAAA! These are awesome!

edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
The REAL Update...no advice, please )
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (viva la vie boheme)
The Day John Decided to Paint His Bass with Blood )


edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)

May 2009

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