edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (empty wallet)
I am in so much pain right now I kind of wish I was dead (more than usual). The cauterized flesh is starting to come off (the papers they gave me at the surgery said it would be about a week later) so it's peeling off like a scab, so I'm bleeding, but it's not like having a period. that blood is all mixed in with...cervical snot and fluids and stuff. this is just pure blood, so it's all thin and runny and it's all drippy and icky, and I was doubled over in pain crying for most of the day popping Aleve every half hour or so. It hurts less now, but it still hurts a lot. I've been taking antacids to try and calm my stomach because it wants to spew all over ad I'm miserable and SO EXCITED about working tomorrow. OMG.

50 Book Challenge Update

35. "Found You" by Mary Sangiovanni

This is a genuinely scary little horror novel. I've missed those. It's not perfect, but it's so good I want to read it again. That's saying a lot. There is a creature from some other dimension known as "The Hollower." It feeds on people's insecurities and fears, those hidden things we don't show to those around us. the creature exploits them and feeds on them until eventually it destroys people. This shit is better than Stephen King's "It," I'm telling you. I had shivers more than once. This is apparently a sequel to a book called "The Hollower," and it reveals the ending of that book, so I recommend you read that first before you read this one (I won't have that luxury, but even though I know how the original will end now, I still want to check it out because this one was so good). I have enough insecurities of my own to feel deeply for these characters, even when they're making the dumbest boneheaded moves (which they do a LOT).

36. "Beware" by Richard Laymon

This book...ok, I'm sorry. This book sucks. It blows rabid donkey dick and I really don't get why so many people write raving reviews for this author. His other books had damn well better be better than this tripe because otherwise I need to punch some people. This book starts off okl with an invisible menace stalking a town, then it keeps veering off to talk about this James Bond like guy in another country, and then we find out who the invisible menace is about twenty pages into the book and the invisible menace is stupid and annoying, and then we find out there's this big conspiracy and some kind of underground group like a cult that uses magic and SERIOUSLY they belong in a James Bond movie (which I guess it's convenient we have Bond himself here to fight them) and I just wanted to rock back and forth and weep. How is this even a HORROR novel? It's not even close! Yes, it was a page turner (mostly because I couldn't stop turning pages to see how it could possibly get any worse...which it kept doing, by the way) and I can see that the guy has writing talent, but I for one didn't give a shit about his characters, so...fail. Epic fail. NEXT.

37. "The Reach" by Nate Kenyon

Good stuff here. There is a little girl who has been hospitalized since the age of two. A new doctor is checking up on her, and though the girl is so heavily tranquilized she can barely function, we sense that she has some great power that's being mistaken for psychosis. The book is really interesting and it moves along well. I like the characters too, even when they do despicable things, because they're so interesting that I can't help but relish them. It's just...it's not as COOL as "Found You." And it rings a little too close to Stephen King's "Firestarter" for my taste, even though the books have enough differences that it's certainly not a rip off, I just couldn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to. I'm reading a lot of Leisure horror novels this go round, and I'm finding I don't like them as much as I wish I could.

38. "Does My Head Look Big in This?" by Randa Abdel-Fattah

This book is really interesting. It's about a teenage girl who's Muslim, and she lives in Australia, and she decides to start off her sixteenth year at school wearing the hijab, the Muslim head scarf, full time. She narrates the book and explains why she made this decision and how she feels at each stage of the book as other kids heap prejudice on her. I learned even more about Islam after reading this book (hey, did you guys know that Islam is the light? This baby doll told me...) I liked that the character seemed real, with real reactions and emotions, and she's down to earth about what she believes and why. This is definitely one of the better books I've read during this challenge and I'm so glad I got the chance. [livejournal.com profile] peskipiksi, I know you don't usually do fiction, but you should check this one out.
edgarallenfrog: (pissed off)
Tuesday was fun. I had an appointment for a girly exam at Planned PArenthood at 10 AM, and when I got there, I let them know I was sick, and they didn't want me coming in if I was sick, so we went 'round and 'round. Seriously, it was a big fight, we nearly came to blows. I said I could come back later, but I didn't have insurance, so there was no guarantee I wouldn't still be sick, they told me to go to the doctor anyway, I told them I went to the free clinic and all they gave me was amoxicillin which does what it always does, covered my symptoms for ten days and then they came back. My voice kept raising, and it wasn't a pretty sight. Finally they called the nurse in charge (this was just the two secretaries) and she told them to let me in, and she examined me and gave me a throat culture (which the doctor who said I had bronchitis, the one who gave me the amoxicillin, never did). After a few hours and checking me out (which technically she's not supposed to do, since she's just supposed to give pap smears, but it was a nice gesture) she said what I had suspected. I have something that's viral (like a really really bad cold) and since it's viral, antibiotics won't do anything but possibly mask the symptoms. Like they did last time. So then we proceeded with the regular pap smear and everything went alright (except I hate it when they suggest that I'm not "relaxed" because I'm uptight about sex. No, I'm uptight about you shoving cold metal shit up my cooch, I'm actually ok with sex and my naked form, I walk around the house naked all the time, and if one more person says "once you have sex more, you won't mind the exam" I'm going to scream. Again, don't mind you seeing my cooch, mind you shoving cold metal shit up it. Understand?)

Anyway shmanyway. Went home and got ready for work that night, and had a fun time. I got in the door, went straight to the cold medicine aisle, grabbed a package and opened it, ready to take some pills, then scanned it at the checkout to pay for it, and all hell broke loose. Apparently, opening something before you buy it, even though it's something I've done thousands of times as a customer, is STEALING OMG when you work there. Would have been nice to know that. I'm paying for it right now, how am I stealing it again? To make matters worse, it was flagged as an at-risk item so I couldn't buy it without my ID (which I never bring to work with me) so it took me ten minutes to work through the ensuing clusterfuck before finally clocking in. they write people up for being a few minutes late now. If I get written up, they're going to catch hell form me, because it's their fault I was late in the first place. So I didn't have cold medicine and was late. It was a great night. I felt like shit.

Even better, when I got home, I tried to sleep and my nose and throat closed up three times which left me waking up unable to breathe. IT happened all the time when I was a kid, but I haven't been this sick since I was about 20, so I forgot how bad it is. My throat panics when I can't breathe and closes up, which makes me even less able to breathe. IT took a menthol cough drop, a double dose of both benedryl AND claritin, and a double dose of cold medicine (which my coworker was so nice to buy me with her ID) before I could sleep for even five hours. I hate being sick. Things continue to be touch and go and I keep hocking up lovely phlegm and my head feels swollen and my glands are swollen and my chest hurts. Ugh. Icky poo. But now that I'm not taking amoxicillin I will admit that I feel different, and I probably should have insisted on a throat culture or something before I let them give me that crap, or argued that I should get a prescription for the generic of Bactrin because that stuff worked with my sinus infections. I dunno. I hope this passes quickly. We're all a bunch of sickies at work, so we keep giving each other shit back and forth and it's not pretty. If I just have one of my infamous colds and I can get a handle on it without antibiotics masking the symptoms and allowing whatever it is to grow worse under the surface, then maybe I'll feel better in two weeks. If not, I'm going back to the free clinic and having a talk with them, not just letting them give me a "you probably have this, here's some amoxicillin" which they did all the time even in the "real" hospital when I was a kid.

*hocks up phlegm*


50 Book Challenge Update

#34: "Water Witch" by Deborah LeBlanc

This was another worthwhile Leisure horror novel. She actually took the time to create a good mystery instead of half-assing it like most horror writers I've seen. I'm impressed. Well worth the read.

In which I rant about food )

So I've been doing a lot of writing for the Halloween horror month at http://www.cinema-crazed.com and I'd like to share my reviews and such with you all in case you want to read them (please do if you have time, and let me know what you think, it would boost my spirits even if you think they suck which I hope you don't).

Lakeview Terrace Review

My Review for the Samuel L. Jackson badass neighbor from hell movie, "Lakeview Terrace"

Silent Night, Deadly Night Review

My review for the campy slasher classic "Silent Night, Deadly Night"

My Review for Silent Night, Deadly Night 2"

Holy shit this movie was bad. I looked forward to it for so long I should have known better, but good LORD. My review is funny though IMHOWISHAAAO (in my humble opinion which is seldom humble and always an opinion)

My Review of "Friday the 13th"

I love this slasher classic. I think I articulated why pretty well. I don't think it gets the respect it deserves for being such a creepy, nasty movie.

My "Friday the 13th Part 2" Review

This movie kind of sucks, but it's fun to watch and mock with friends.

My "Friday the 13th Part 3" Review

This movie blows as well, but I offer reasons for why it blows less than part 2.

My Review for "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter"

I really like this movie in spite of how horrendous it is at times, and I think it's a worthwhile creepy flick to watch ever Halloween season.

My Review for "Friday the 13th: The New Blood"

This movie mostly blows, but I have fun with it anyway.

My Review for "Friday the 13th: Jason Lives"

As a series, given that this is the sixth sequel, it's way better than it has any right to be.

My Review for "Fear of Clowns"

I love independent horror movies, and "Fear of Clowns" is one of my favorites.

My Review for "Haunted Highway"

This is a movie that gives all independent horror movies a bad name. I tried really hard to be funny with this review. Maybe you will like it.

My Review for Ulli Lommel's 1980 Horror Flick "The Boogeyman"

Everything Ulli Lommel touches turns to shit. Read this and find out how bad horror movies can be.

31 Halloween Horrors, my most recent Cinemusings Article

I'm proud of this more than anything else I've written this month. If you don't read anything else, read this. I had a lot of fun with it and I hope you will too.

In the next few weeks, more reviews are to come. It should be a fun time. Check for more updates flooding your Friends List with spooky fun!


Sep. 15th, 2008 09:02 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicidal)
50 Book Challenge Update

"Dark Hollow" by Brian Keene

This book was good, but it was depressing. It left me in a funk for days. It made me think of you, [livejournal.com profile] bohemianeditor, because it's got a lot of magic in it, and it's respectful of how humans are connected to magic and nature, even when they don't realize it. You might like it (don't read it when it's not safe to be depressed though...I made that mistake). You might like it, too, [livejournal.com profile] peskipiksi. It's all about people going about their daily lives oblivious to the energy and powers surrounding them until they're forced to try to defeat a supernatural being, and then they band together and earn the power of true magic (no offense Harry Potter. I mean, I love you, but the idea of people taking objects close to them, like their wives' jewelry and using the love that these objects represent to fight evil is way more powerful to me than your spells). It was worth a read and I'm so impressed that this author could pull off the idea of a Satyr living in the woods surrounding a small town and make that ridiculous premise into something haunting and worth reading. I almost put the book down once I realized what it was about because I thought there was no way this guy could pull the story off without sounding like a tool, but the characters are engaging and I learned to love them.

Best lines:

"What do you expect to find in this house? A book called 'The Care and Feeding of Satyrs'?" (I laughed for like, 20 minutes).

"Our magic is stronger than yours." (I got chills).

So I went to church yesterday.


I went to St. Andrew's. It was hard. Usually I go to the 8 AM service because it's small and there's less people and no singing, but I got there late at like, 8:15 and no one was there but the new reverend, and she told me they were doing that annoying thing where they combine the 8 AM and the 10:15 AM service at 9 AM, so I wanted to turn around and run away (and I blurted that out loud because I'd had no sleep and thus my internal censor was on strike) but I stayed anyway. The people in charge of the Eucharist (Dr. Richard Griffen and his wife, if anyone remembers them from Ferris) pulled me and another new girl out of the congregation and had us help with the Eucharist. We had to carry stuff up to the altar during the service. Eep. I felt quite moogy but I survived. I actually went up and took communion (yes, I realize I'm calling it both "Eucharist" and "Communion." I can call it whatever I want. So here). Like I said, we have a new reverend. She looks pretty young but she's really enthusiastic and she seems really nice and caring. All the people there go out of their way to make someone feel welcome and they don't look forced when they're doing it, like they're pissy with you but pretending to care because Jesus is watching but as soon as they get home they're totally going to go off about how annoying you are). It's weird being he one who doesn't know what the fuck is going on, because I knew my old denominations inside and out. Now I mostly care about God, not the other shiny stuff, though I try to be respectful of it because it's cool to see how people connect to God or their idea of him (I keep forgetting to bow or kneel or make the sign of the cross when I'm supposed to, and then I whisper "shit" because I forgot, and then I feel bad for saying "shit" in church, not because I think God really minds if I say "shit," but because the old people will hear me and might die of a heart attack). But I feel a part of the words and the songs and the little wafer (that actually tastes like plaster mixed with skin, which is kind of unnerving) and the wine and the stained glass windows. I wish I weren't weird. Sometimes. I wish I was like normal people. I was so freaked out I cried during the service, but I made it. And I couldn't sleep all day afterward so I was a fucking wreck at work all night. But I couldn't shut my brain off. I hate that.

So it was good. And bad. And good. You know? Am I making any sense at all here? I hope so.


It's cold in here and it just occurred to me that I don't have a winter coat. Brett threw mine away over the summer because he said it made me look fat and it was my promise to him that I was going to move to Florida (every time I feel like a drama queen, I think of him and feel better). So I just looked for it and yeah, I remember now that I don't have one. Good thing I can pull some money out of my ass and buy one. JESUS CHRIST. Sorry Jesus. I'm praying. Really. Actually, I've been thinking about it, and I don't ever take the Lord's name in vain. I don't ever say "God" or "Goddamn" or "Jesus Christ" without an awareness of who they are and what they mean to me, and I say it half because I know saying it will remind me of them and keep me from smashing someone in the face with a brick or something. So I'll try to watch my language around people and apologize if they don't like me saying it or whatever (because words can hurt, and I don't have a right to ask people not to hurt me with their words if I don't give a shit what I say that might hurt them for some reason) but I don't take the Lord's name in vain, no matter what other people might think when they hear me say it. Me and God, we're cool. It's his fan club that I have problems with.

*changes into sweat shirt*

Much better. So...I don't know. I feel like there's a big lump in my throat, except it's in my chest too, and I don't know how to express myself in words. I miss my friend Michael. Winter is hard enough on me, but now I'll be reminded constantly of the anniversary of his suicide on Christmas Eve last year. When it gets colder, I think of him. It's hard. And I feel like a moog at the GLWTFBBQ meetings. As usual. I don't know what to say and I want to become a mime so I don't have to talk to people anymore. I feel like I'm saying a bunch of stupid stuff, but I don't mean it to be stupid. I want to be sincere. Sigh. I'll quit rambling now. Thank you for listening.

Well, one last thing. I kept thinking of this song and singing it at work last night and it reminds me of my friend [livejournal.com profile] bohemianeditor because she's one of the only people who will be honest about the troubles she may have in her relationship, and she and her husband [livejournal.com profile] odinkar have a lot of struggles to go through and they still work like hell to make things work, and that inspires me every day more than I can say. So I don't know if you like country music or not, but this song's for you. :-p

edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (accepted)
50 Book Challenge Update

#33: "Covenant" by John Everson

Now that it's been a few weeks since I read this I can't remember any of the good things about it, only the bad. Ok, that's not true, I remember the good its just outshadowed by the bad. I mean, this book had a creepy villain, some good tension, a cool little plot, but the characters made really idiotic moves and...maybe this is just whatever Christopher Rice spoiled in me talking, but now I can't read fucking anything without thinking about goddamned "A Density of Souls" and the things it says about same-sex attraction. Everson's problem is that he's got no qualm with showing women getting it on with women. Fuck, the demon in this book barely has to speak to them and BAM! they're having lesbian orgies left and right. Because the demon breaks down their sexual inhibitions. Or something. But then, when the demon attacks men...they um, they go find a woman. They don't fuck each other. Ew, that would be icky. So basically, all the men end up raping women (because that's what all men want) and all the women want to fuck each other's brains out, and I could swallow this a whole lot easier if it didn't read like some horny middle school guy's sexual fantasy (one who wasn't GAY because EW that's GROSS). I liked this book, but it gave me hives, and that irritates me. Edward Lee is giving me similar skin problems, and it's doubtful I'll ever finish "Brides of the Impaler" because of that. Sigh. Stupid sophomoric lesbian sex scenes mucking up my otherwise good horror fiction.

In other news...my throat hurts so bad it's on fire, I was a minute late coming in for work and the write-up is coming tonight and I'm so upset, and I keep getting involved in stupid fights online because I can't let things go. I want to cry and scream but my throat hurts like hell and...poo. I'm so tired. I need a break from life.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (lickable)
Hey everyone...some shameless promotion if you please.

I'm entered in the Food Network Tostitos Rate My Recipe contest, with a dip I invented that I especially love, and whatever recipe gets the most votes wins, blah blah blah. So I wanted to include a link for you and beg you all to go here, click the recipe, and vote for me so I can win and be totally rich and famous (ok, that won't happen, but it would be cool to win). Also feel free to you know, make the dip and eat it. If you're into that kind of thing. It's delicious, seriously, I'm not the one who said so or who named it, I took it to a party and people devoured it and christened it "Lillian's Rad Dip," hence the title. So please vote for me? And if you wouldn't mind pimping me to all your friends, I'd really appreciate their votes, too. Thanks!


50 Book Challenge Update

#32: "Getting It" by Alex Sanchez

Here's an in-depth review: I liked it.


Jul. 30th, 2008 12:21 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Note: The chicken mafia can stay the hell away from this post. I know a lot of people love chicken and jump in to rabidly defend it every time someone deigns to mention not liking its flavor or getting sick from eating the little salmonella factories, but those people can butt the fuck out of this, I don't like chicken and after throwing up for two days straight now am in no mood to deal with people like that.

Well guys, I have salmonella. It's a mild case and the free clinic doctors say I'm lucky, but I don't FEEL lucky. Ugh. Vomit. I have amended my life's philosophy. My new idea is that chicken is evil and must be punished. I'm never careful with my chicken, I've even eaten pink chicken before because I really don't care about the safety rules, and I've never gotten sick like this. In fact, this was the ONE time I tried to be remotely careful and wash up the kitchen and bleach afterward to avoid getting bacteria all over, and I get this sick. I've been having diarrhea, vomit, and terrible gas problems for the past day, as well as horrible stomach pains. I started to get better, but then I ate some of my leftover fried chicken last night (shut up, I hadn't made the connection yet) and got sick all over again. The problem was that the drumsticks were broken so the marrow leaked all over while they cooked, which usually happens with cheap chicken but this was EXPENSIVE chicken from Meijer, not the stuff from WalMart (which has never made me sick) but there's a salmonella scare going around Big Rapids because a few people have gotten sick, so I took precautions, and I still got sick enough to finally run to the doctors. I look like shit. And feel like shit too. Good thing I have to work tonight, huh? I know that a lot of chicken has salmonella and it usually cooks away, but the doctors were pissed at me for the things I did when preparing the chicken. I'll admit it, I thawed the chicken on the counter instead of in the fridge (I know, shut up. But it's never made me sick before, so that means I can keep doing it, right?) and then after I breaded the chicken I stuck it in the fridge overnight and then let it come to room temperature on the counter before frying (I LIKE breeding Salmonella, ok?) Then after I cooked it, I let it hang out on a platter on the stove awhile because I was watching a movie. I have a death wish, ok? I thought things would be ok because I scrubbed my counters and sinks and dishes with antibacterial stuff and bleach, but I've gotten an assload of information today about how bacteria grows, how it can float around and stick to food, how it can take to the air to survive a good scrubbing, etc. I knew these things before, but like I said, I've done all this semi-dangerous stuff while preparing chicken in the past and never gotten sick, so I figured it COULD happen, but it WOULDN'T. Never again, let me tell you. Chicken is banned from my kitchen forever. I don't even like the stuff, I never have, I think it tastes bland and nasty and I would prefer beef any day, but I like fried chicken...too bad though, no way am I letting this noxious and dangerous substance into my house again, I don't like it THAT much. Not only is it bland and nasty, I am leery of something that can carry bacteria that flee from bleach only to float around in the air and stick to the finished cooked product, and I'm not putting myself at risk of feeling this way ever again. My stomach would kill me for it. Ow. Ew. Blech.

50 Book Challenge Update

#31: "Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws" by Kate Bornstein

This is a good book. She tends to repeat herself a lot, but it's still worth a read for those of us who don't fit in anywhere and have endured a lot of hardship because of it.


Jul. 16th, 2008 10:16 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (laws)
50 Book Challenge Update

#27: "Out of the Dark" by Betty Ren Wright

This isn't the best teen ghost story I've read, but it was a page-turner and finished it. not much else to say.

#28: "Baby" by Patricia Maclachlan

I lovelovelove this book. You all need to go read it now. It's about a family that lives on a small island, and one day they find a baby in a basket in their driveway. The baby's mother left her for them to take care of, promising to come back for her. The family grows and learns the power of words and poetry. this book helped me love poetry.

#29: "Time for Andrew" by Mary Downing Hahn

Not her best book. That title probably goes to "Stepping on the Cracks" or "Wait Till Helen Comes." This is more a time travel story than a ghost story. It made me want to switch lives with someone from the past.

#30: "Zach's Lie" by John Roland Smith

This book was a page turner. I picked it up and said I'd read a few pages and then go pee, and three hours later I finished the book and had to pee so bad I ran for the bathroom. But I couldn't put it down. This is the story of a family that has to go into witness protection and the struggles they have making a new life for themselves.


Jul. 9th, 2008 03:28 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicidal)
What am I typing this entry on? Zombie fucking laptop, baby. I swear this thing has nine lives. After Brett snapped the old power cord and the thing died again a few weeks ago, I bought a power cord off eBay and it works again, like new. I love this thing. It will live forever, long after I'm gone.

Those of you who can handle a horribly disturbing and gory and creepy movie should seek out the movie "Inside." I mean it when I say it's DISTURBINGLY gory. It's a very pregnant woman (due to deliver the next day) trying to survive a coldly methodical psychotic woman who wants her baby and will kill anyone who stands in her way. It's grisly to the max. How grisly? I looked away from the screen a few times, and I NEVER do that, not even in the blowtorch eye removal scene from Hostel that made my friend cry (I thought that scene was kind of funny). So believe me, it will disturb you, but it's very good and it's such a solid, well-plotted, well-structured horror movie that I was damn impressed with it.

Third shift at Meijer is going well. My feet hurt like hell, but I bought some $30 work shoes thinking they would help. they hurt like hell and tore my feet to shreds. I returned them and bought some comfy $6 (on sale from $20) sneakers from Payless and bought some Dr. Scholl's gel arch supports for the shoes, and we'll see if they save my feet. I hope so. I'm trying to bust my ass to unload 200+ cases a night and stock them, the most I've done is 167, and some people are already on the chopping block for doing less than 200 so I'm a little stressed, but I'm going to keep working my ass off. You know how I used to have to walk 6 miles round trip to work and I thought that now that I worked only a mile away I wouldn't be ale to stay in shape as well? Yeah, forget that idea. I'm going to be fucking RIPPED from this job. My arms and legs already have more stamina from all the lifting I have to do. Plus I know how to work a pallet jack. Do YOU know how to work a pallet jack? I think NOT. :-p

50 Book Challenge Update

#26: "The Zookeeper" by Alex MacLennan

This was a good book. A tad boring because I'm used to the plot twists and intrigue of Christopher Rice, but you know. It's got a likable main character who tries to figure his life out by angsting and talking to animals. I can relate to that.


Jun. 26th, 2008 11:54 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (Default)
50 Book Challenge Update

#22: "Possible Side Effects" by Augusten Burroughs

This guy is as neurotic as me. It's scary how much he is like me. These vignettes are often hilarious, sometimes sad.

#23: "Goosebumps: Why I'm Afraid of Bees"

I defend Goosebumps to the death, but this one sucks really bad. It's about a kid who switches bodies with a bee and learns that he needs to love his life as it is, even though it sucks. "It's a Wonderful Life" it is now. Stine needs to stick to cruddy horror stories and not try to insert morals into his stories. LAME.

#24: "Baby Sitters Club #39: Poor Mallory"

I love these books. Just love them. they're a fun way to kill an hour. Here one of the girls' fathers loses his job. It was a fun read. Don't look down on me, book snobs. :-p

#25: "The Cat Ate My Gym Suit"

This is also a fun book. I like the characters and the writing style, and I enjoyed the pacing and I cared about what happened and it drew me in. that's really all I can ask. It's about a teacher who is radical, and she gets fired from a middle school and some of the students protest, and they get suspended. It's choppy in places but it's a good read.

So Brett is pissed at me. he won't talk to me. I had to find out from Jenn. I told her I was upset about the "you look like shit" comment and she apologized. It was as I thought, "you look like shit" is colloquial for her like "you're a cunt" is colloquial for me and she didn't mean it in a harsh way, she likes my pigtails when I spend time on them but when I throw them together she thinks they're crooked and lumpy (duh) and she didn't want me to look sloppy at an interview. While I'm not ecstatic about the way women talk to each other, I get what she was saying and I'm not pissed about it anymore. It's just something about female culture that I don't like, but that I have to deal with when having women as friends. Anyway, she told me Brett is pissed and I can't get him to email me or return my calls, so fuck him. I can't live with someone who's going to act like a five year old, get pissed at me, and not tell me about it anyway, so I hope he grows up some day, but it's not my problem anymore if he doesn't. I'm contemplating living in Holland anyway and looking at apartments there. I started when Brett wanted to live there, and then he told Jenn I was ditching him and abandoning Florida (not true, just looking for a place to live while I make money, but again, he never bothered to tell ME any of this bullshit) and now I like the area and the idea, and he can go fuck himself.

I had my interview at Meijer last night. It went well. they asked to photocopy my ID and my Social security Card which seems to be missing (I think I stuck it in a drawer, but I can't find it and I'm just going to use my birth certificate if I get a callback). If I get a job, I'm staying here for at least 90 days and then if I'm still hired I'm putting in for a transfer to the Holland store. I'm happy about it. I've wanted to get into retail for awhile, and the way Brett is acting and treating me is just showing me how immature he is and how much I can't live with someone who's going to act that way. I was sad about it for awhile, but the truth of how bad an idea this was is shining through now. If he's pissed at me now, there's no fucking way he's going to be able to handle living in close quarters in Florida like that, and it's better to find this out now than after we move.

I'm glad about the possible job, because things at work are becoming impossible. Leesa is as much of a cunt as ever, and a stupid one at that. April is getting more and more psychotic. She's talking about killing her ex boyfriend, she strangled him when she was drunk and he had bruises all over his neck, and it's scary. She used a box cutter to attack my cup the other day and slice it up when she was in a trance like state of anger, muttering about her ex,. and she did the same thing to Michelle's cup, and then one of the other managers put in her 2 weeks notice and April ran to Leesa and said she wants the job and told me she's not my friend or Brett's friend anymore. Now she's officially the manager. Because yeah, her attitude shows she'd be great at management. Fuck that place. I value my life and my skin more than I value the 14 hours a week they give me. I"m just concerned that my stuff is still at April's house from the Yard sale, but I don't know how to get it back, so I'll figure that one out. Meantime, I just want to get out of Arby's. That's my main focus now.


Jun. 20th, 2008 02:27 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Florida might be a bust.


I don't want to think about it. Much less talk about it.

50 Book challenge Update

#19: "When You Don't See Me" by Timothy James Beck

I really liked this. It was an easy read and the characters were interesting and it wasn't as HEAVY as the Christopher Rice stuff. Plus it made me want to move to New York and live in a one-bedroom apartment with 3 other people. I hear most of this author's books are romantic comedy type books but this one wasn't, mostly a coming-of-age story.

#20: "Phantom of the Auditorium" by R. L. Stine

Shut up. You know you read Goosebumps books too. Or The Babysitters Club. Or Sweet Valley. Or Fear Street. Or something. Even we old ass people who are way past our prime have guilty pleasures from when we were young that we can still devour today. Want to reply and talk about them? That might be a cool conversation. It might distract me from jumping in front of a train. Just think of this as a meme...list 5 guilty pleasure books/series...we could even expand it to TV and movies if we want, but I hope I'm not the only one who likes these trashy young adult books. This particular Goosebumps book was kind of cool, it had the air of a campfire story and an episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark" (if any of you remember that show).

Look guys! I made it past 10 books! I doubled my total from last year!


Upon closer inspection, I was dismayed to learn that I had read only 19 books, not 20. The miscount happened when I counted "The Witching Hour" as #15 when it should have been #14. Now while I contend that book should count as at LEAST two books (not just because of its length but because of its ramblingness) I knew I needed to fill the gap, so I returned to my old bookworm ways and polished off another book tonight to close the gap.

#20: "Father Figure" by Richard Peck

This is good like everything Peck writes is good. I remember at seventeen realizing that it was too late for my dad to be a dad to me in practical terms, so I related to the kid in this book even if he was a snot because I was one at one time still am, so yeah, there's a knot in my throat that's been there ever since I finished this book. Damn you Peck. Just when I thought was done crying for the week.

I'm now at 20 books FOR REALS. Whew. That was a huge, earth-shattering crisis averted, let me tell you.

Plus I started craving corn meal mush at midnight, made a batch, cooled it, and now I'm going to fry and eat some before I go to sleep because I am nothing if not health conscious. Toodles.


Jun. 17th, 2008 10:31 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
I turned on my oven yesterday and flames shot out of it. I freaked, turned it off, and called the office, I left a message, and got no response. I called again and the apartment manager said "We're really busy and we don't have time to instantly answer every call." Yes, I understand that, but when fucking FLAMES are shooting out of my oven, I would think you would prioritize that highly. Excuse me for assuming you have a brain. I called the maintenance guy, left a message, and he had the decency to call me back directly, and he told me to keep the oven and stove off because the coil in the oven burned out, and he'd fix it today. Still hasn't come but I like him much better than that stupid bitch. At least HE responded to my call.

Adding to the fun, on the way to work I was hit by a car while crossing Ives street onto Maple and I flew through the air like Superman and skidded on the sidewalk on my face, hands, wrists, arms, and basically the left side of my body. It hurts like hell. And no, I didn't pause in my flight through the air to write down the license plate number of the guy who hit me and sped away. Many people tell me I need to do this, and I can only assume they have never been hit by a car because if they have, they would realize how impossible it is to immediately recover enough to sit up and catch the license plate number of a car that is speeding away. Someone else did stop and make sure I was ok though, which was nice.

I've been a busy little reading bee lately.

50 Book Challenge Update

#16. "The Snow Garden" by Christopher Rice

everyone who bitched that "A Density of Souls" was overblown and in need of an editor, but praised THIS book, needs to shut the fuck up. I couldn't put this book down and I DID like it...but DAMN dude, ENOUGH. It's not that any one of these plot twists COULDN'T happen, but to believe that they ALL happened to THESE PEOPLE is ridiculous, and the book's pacing is off, the big reveal seemed silly and not powerful like it was supposed to...it just fell flat for me. It could have been a lot better.

#17. "Light Before Day" by Christopher Rice

This is his best book. This is the book that proves he can take a bunch of complicated plot threads and tie them together with an impact that is worthy of their presence. It's just such a good book. I'm so happy. I completely forgive him for "The Snow Garden" now. :-p

#18. "Rainbow high" by Alex Sanchez

Good book. Not much to say because this book is a lot fluffier than "The God Box," the other book I read by this author. It's also the third in a series so I recommend you all read the other ones first. I only read this one first because someone let me borrow it.

We got a call from an apartment in Orlando literally across the street from Disney. They say 3 bedrooms will be available in August (on the 15). I want to move then and take a 3 bedroom, Brett wants to move right away and live in a 1 bedroom with 3 people until the 3 bedroom opens up. It's not going to happen. I'll see if I can convince him.

We're considering going to Grand Rapids pride on Saturday. I'd have to go at noon and leave at 2 for work, but I still want to go. I've never been. We'll see. Actually, I only work 14 hours this week, so if I pick up 3 hours on Thursday, I'll call in sick for my 3 hour shift on Saturday. I really really want to go to Pride and stay all day.


May. 29th, 2008 01:28 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (lickable)
Thanks Fucking God.

50 Book Challenge Update

#15: "The Witching Hour" by Anne Rice.

Holy Jesus. This book is 1038 pages long and I could have read 13 books in the MONTH AND A HALF it took me to finish this thing. I don't know how to explain it...Rice writes, and it's like, you get sucked in, but time in the book moves at a snail's pace and time in the real world moves faster, so you have to put the book down because it's been 15 hours and you've only read 8 pages and you have to go to work. Or something like that. The book chronicles thirteen generations of this family of witches and this spirit that lives with them and serves them but turns them mad when they try to fight him (when really they just make really stupid choices and they could have avoided most of their drama by being practical and unmelodramatic). It goes into long, excruciating detail about every detail of everything in the universe (literally) and anyone who bashes Christopher Rice for being long and rambling and in need of an editor should check out his mother's writing...I didn't know it was hereditary. I'm just glad I'm done. It was good...it could have been better...I'm disappointed in how she ends all her books with these noncommittal endings so she can write sequels, but I did enjoy a good portion of the book, so yeah...I'll say I liked it. But I'm glad it's over. FINALLY.

Also saw "Iron Man" today because my friend Cindy bought my ticket. It was really good, I mean I'm seriously impressed. It was so good I've forgiven Stan Lee for "Spiderman 3." That means something.


Apr. 11th, 2008 05:38 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (viva la vie boheme)
50 Book Challenge Update

#12: "The Girl Next Door" by Jack Ketchum. Ketchum is a genius. I mean it, he knows how to draw you in and make you keep reading even if you really have to pee or you need to go to bed or you haven't eaten in days. You just can't put his books down no matter what your reason may be. You'll pee the bed and get no sleep and starve to death, but you'll finish the book, dammit. This book is stunningly depressing, but it's vivid and real and it doesn't puss out and go for the easy answers. It's graphic and intense and anyone who has issues reading about violence toward children...the kids in this book, their innocence isn't just stolen, it's corrupted, every ounce of it, from the inside out...they're ravaged and left in shreds and so are your emotions. Upon reading it I gained new appreciation for the movie and how well it conveyed this story, but I definitely like the book better (most of the time, that's just me).

#13: "A Density of Souls" by Christopher Rice. Pull up a chair. Actually, don't pull up a chair; make me censor myself here because I'm going to write a column about this book, so I need to turn down the rambling here and not use up my best stuff. I'll try to contain myself. First, the overwhelmingly positive reviews that gush spittle all over this book and call it the best one ever (OMG) are ridiculous, but the ones that bitch and moan that it's terrible and it shouldn't have been published? Those are full of shit too. This book raises lots of issues (which is really vague, but remember, column, I have to write it, that takes words, understand?) and the characters are engaging. Yeah, it could have used 1 less plot twist and at least 1 fewer character, but overall it drew me in and exuded such exuberance that I really forgave any missteps it made (it's is first book, give the guy a fucking break) and was more interesting than at least 50% of the adult fiction these days. Good read. Read it.

So I dyed my hair "purple" (so said the salesperson, stylist, and picture on the box) but apparently I live on planet WHOOO where purple = pink. It looks cute though...I think. It should be fine. I'm going to the bar tonight so we'll see.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicide)
50 Book Challenge Updates

#7 "Godless" by Pete Hautman

Really insightful. I mean that. The characters are weird and quirky in a real way that doesn't seem forced and the book doesn't offer easy answers.

#8 "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky

This book is good. It made me realize some things about myself. I cried for three hours after finishing it and I haven't slept since. I'm still messed up about it. Don't get me wrong, the book isn't perfect, but that's part of what makes it so good. I swear to fucking God this kid IS me. The only difference between us is I never repressed all the stuff that happened to me and he did. But the rest is almost identical, including the way he relates to people. Messed up.

#9 "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" by Ann Brashares

This book is good, a lot better than the movie (though I did like the movie). I want to read the rest of the books in the series now.

I'm almost at what I made all year last year and it's only now approaching April. :-p

Don't forget to check out my column...I'm really proud of it.


good day

Feb. 23rd, 2008 02:19 am
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (viva la vie boheme)
50 Book Challenge: #5 "The Vagina Monologues" by Eve Ensler

While some of these are annoying and throwaway and the book reminds me more of how I don't fit in because I'm not like the women in the book, I still couldn't put it down. I started reading it at 12 AM and just finished. Phear me n my mitey readin skilz

I have had the first god day I've had in a long time. Well, scratch that, I had a shitty day, but I had a good night. I chilled at home and took a bath, hung out with my friend Heidi, and read a book while doing laundry. Now my laundry's done and my blankets smell better and I'm feeling pretty good, considering I've wanted to die every second for the past few days (weeks months years). Nothing's changed mind you, all the bad things are still there, and I still hate banks and they still fucked me over royally and I still have no money and debt up the ass and no idea how to not hate myself and I still think Kate Harding needs to back the fuck off the attitude sometimes even though my comment on my friend Dani's post is now approved, but right now I don't care about any of that because I feel good. I did an impromptu fashion show and I like how I look and I'm clean and I smell girly and I read a book and I have food in my belly, and things are ok. Not necessarily in the grand scheme of things, but for this moment. I hope I can get some good quality rest and reading in.

Maybe I shouldn't leave the house ever again. I want this good day to stay that way for as long as possible. Call me selfish..I think I deserve it.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Looks like I owe god one. Looks like I'm setting my alarm for 7 AM and going to church on Sunday. Kill me now.

The office was fiercely pissed at me. But at least they weren't only pissed at me. I don't know if I mentioned this to you guys, but the office has been going through a lot of upheaval in the past 6 months or so, with apartment managers leaving and other people filling in, and it was in the midst of this that I filled out my paperwork for certification and gave all my information about my job and pay and such (when I moved in I was unemployed and I didn't get a job until June 1st). I filled out paperwork, it was misplaced, filled out more and that was misplaced, then they found the lost paperwork but I filled out more because I'm making more hours at my job. Well because of all the lost paperwork and mismanagement that happened last year, none of the residents had their certification sent in on time and the big office was pissed at how the situation wasn't handled well and came storming in here, so when Lorrie called and left my message, she was snappy and authoritative both because she's been getting her ass chewed for things that weren't her fault because they happened before she was here, and because the big bosses are here now reviewing paperwork and they needed everyone to know it was a serious situation and they had to scare everyone when they called to make sure everyone would be terrified enough to come in. When the big boss talked to me she yelled at me. You guys want to know why she yelled at me? She wanted to know why we had three sets of paperwork on me, I told her because it got lost and because my income had changed, and she yelled at me. 20 hours a week isn't that much more than 11 hours a week, it isn't enough to raise my income to the point where I needed to pay more in rent (according to her) so I shouldn't have "wasted their time" by filling out three different sets of paperwork. Never mind that I was told by the office to do this and it's not my fault, never mind that. so I signed some stuff, she snapped at me, and I had to give copies of my monthly bills to prove that my utilities are indeed as high as they are. Then I was sent home. I wasn't in danger of eviction and they basically just wanted to yell at people because they're in pissy moods. The higher-up lady? She's a total cunt. I hope she breaks a heel stomping around the apartment grounds and falls on her ass down the stairs. She needs to be knocked down a couple thousand notches. I understand that some people in low-income housing are lazy, and some people take it for granted, and some people won't come in to the office if they get a nice message on their machine, so I understand why they wanted to freak people out, but I'm not like that, I always come in when I'm asked and I don't think they treated me right in this. but at least I won't be living in a box. Until whatever tragedy that might happen in the future comes, I should be ok. I hope. But now I have to go to church. I'm going to shoot myself.

I have almost 30,000 words in my book. Hee. It's exciting.

In GLWTFBBQ news, the meeting went well. I saw my friend Kenny there, so he's both taking initiative to come on his own and he's ok (I haven't seen him in a few weeks and I become afraid that my friends are dead if I don't hear from them in awhile, especially if they're planning to go out at night and slash tires. Jen's threatened to get some of her friends to beat him before, I have no doubt they'd do it if she asked).

50 Book Challenge Updates

3. "The Broken Bridge" by Phillip Pullman This book I got for Christmas from my friend Barb. It starts off kinda terrible but it gets really good if you give it about 100 pages.

4. "Following Foo" by B. D. Wong This book is adorable. It's about what happened when B. D. Wong (Dr. Wong from the movie "The Ref," Dr. George Huang from "Law & Order: SVU) and his husband decided to have a baby. For those who don't know (ddly enough I read the story first in a magazine while I was waiting for an appointment from my Christian Therapist that His House sent me to) their twin sons were born premature and one died and the other was in the hospital for three months. This book is sad and funny and overall adorable. You should all read it, especially if you have kids. It really got me thinking too, especially the afterword. Wong is actually a good writer, very poetic and pretentious in just the right ways.

I'm ok right now. Contemplating going to bed and trying to decipher Clive Barker for awhile before trying to sleep (probably not a good idea). If this migraine would just fuck the fuck off I'd be great. I used the last of my migraine medicine today so I want to shoot myself. I'll have to trudge through the snow tomorrow to walmart to buy some since they're the only place that sells it (speaking of trudging through the snow, it snowed up the ass tonight and it's cold as fuck and I have to walk to work tomorrow. thanks god, you bastard).
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicide)
lol hay d00dz.

ges wut? im typin on my laptop!

I resurrected it from the dead, and I'm working on the glitches. It still has whatever undetectable virus it had before (and in case you want to jump all over my shit about me not taking it in to get it fixed, I don't have money for food right now, let alone money to try and get my laptop fixed, so though I think I've gotten rid of all the crazed idiots who would troll my journal and be condescending bitches to my face while giving unhelpful advice and then throw a melodramatic hissy fit on me when I try to call them out on it, stuff the useless advice, kthx).

Whoa, whoops, didn't mean to reference that ancient drama. But since that particular crazy person made her exit over drama surrounding this laptop dying (as though I didn't already have enough to worry about at that time) it stuck in my mind.

I am doing the 50 book challenge again, and I've already read two this year (hold your applause, I'm here till Thursday).

1. "Suspect" By Jasmine Cresswell - not the best book ever, but it kept me turning pages and it has some hilarious sex scenes

2. "The Seance" by Heather Graham - this one is better by an order of magnitude. I actually want to seek out more by this author.

In short...I'm returning to myself. Or trying to do so. I'm trying not to freak out about money, though it cripples me with terror when I let it. Hope this finds you well.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (suicide)
I caved and bought a tree, lights, a wreath, and assorted things at the dollar store, so I decorated. Picalogue to follow (you will all weep at my stupidity and marvel at my creativity, respectively).

In Which I Catch the Holiday Spirit...In My Own Special Way )

50 Book Challenge Update

#8: "The End of Gay (And the Death of Heterosexuality" by Bert Archer

I really enjoyed this book. Archer argues, in his own snotty little English Major way, that defining ourselves by our sexual practices is a silly and antiquated thing to do and it puts us in a box that we don't need to be in and polarizes us in a way we don't need. He's not arguing against anything though, he's not "anti-gay" or anything, and in fact he makes some of the best arguments for domestic partnership laws that I've ever heard. e just doesn't like the labels, thinks they're constricting instead of freeing, and I like what he's saying even though I don't agree with everything he says. It's really well worth a read, so I recommend it highly.

There's an entry brewing under the surface somewhere here, but it's not ready to come to the surface just yet. Can I ask a favor of all my friends list who are members of the "Not Entirely Straight Club"? Will you comment on this entry when I make it and not get mad at me and crucify me? I don't want that. but I'm thinking about things lately (no don't worry, this has nothing to do with Bert Archer or his "we should say gay" stuff, I'll give you a heads-up, it has to do with Christianity and not entirely straightness)? Can I enlist your participation please? I'll make you all wreaths...


Nov. 12th, 2007 10:31 pm
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (werk)
Dani, my migraine is in hyperoverdrive. Can you make it stop? Pretty please?

I apologize for any typocraphical errors in this post, I can barely see right now.

50 Book Challenge #7 "Nickel and Dimed" by Barbara Ehrenreich

No review, because my brain is fried. Mostly, it's a worthwhile book, but some of the observations she makes about low-wage workers are "duh" inducing. Yes, we would organize into unions and demand better pay, except in Michigan we'd lose out jobs because Michigan is an "at will hire" state and we need our jobs, so we don't do that. I kind of wish I were on a vacation and I could go back to living upper middle class after a year. Or better yet, if I could make the money she made as working class, since it's about twice what I make (but the cost of living is higher, as is her rent, and she couldn't have gotten income based housing since she was lying about her work history). I also wish I had money I could dip into whenever my jobs didn't work out, or that I could start out in each city with $1,200 like she did, instead of the $250 I had to last me those 2 months I was unemployed. But yeah, it's a good book. You all should read it.

For [livejournal.com profile] stateparks I'll post my hummus recipe. This has always worked out for me (even better with a food processor).

1 can garbanzo beans, drained
2 tsp. lemon juice
salt to taste
1/4 cup sesame seeds toasted
2 tbsp. sesame oil
olive oil (to taste, about 1/2 cup)
4 cloves garlic (more to taste)

process sesame seeds and oil in food processor until smooth (you can buy tahini in the store, but it's expensive and it's just sesame seeds and sesame oil processed like this). Add garbanzo beans and garlic and lemon juice and salt. Start processor and slowly add olive oil until desired sliminess consistency. Enjoy with chips or however you eat hummus.

tomorrow I work until three, then I plan to come home. nothing but dying sounds fun for me right now, but hopefully I don't have the migraine tomorrow. hope springs eternal. anyway, I have a fun night of excitement, and then on wednesday I'll be heading to Grand Rapids with people I don't know to go to a GLWTFBBQ meeting. Commence hyperventilation.
edgarallenfrog: various pics of harvey milk (inspiration)
50 Book Challenge update

6. "A Wind in the Door" by Madeline L'Engle

Designed to Make You Read It NOW )

It's strange to be so happy about reading 6 books this year, but I am. I'm really happy. :-p

I plan to watch at least 31 horror movies in October. And my next "Long Winded" column is going to be about the experience. It should be fun. I might skip a day here or there but I'm going to double up on other days to make up for that. It should be a fun time.

Right now I'm watching Cold Case and it's making me remember scary churchy people and things I don't like thinking about, so I'm writing this mostly to distract myself. But really, I respect Cold Case for doing that, for getting under my skin like that. It's good TV, yo.

Edit: Cheese and rice that Cold Case eppy got worse as it went on. The girl in that episode was...just like me. Waaahhh...if I'd stayed in church I'd be dead, I get it. Scary shit.

This makes me happy. Someone send her my contact info, I want to date a Top Chef hottie! I loved her before I even knew she liked he ladies, now I shall delude myself that I have a chance. :-p~~


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